Title: Trading Slayer
Author: Gileswench

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Hildi arrives wearing dark glasses and a large-brimmed hat. Douses a suspicious puff of smoke as she enters apartment.

Hildi: Hi! You guys look like you didn't get much sleep.

Buffy: About the usual, I guess.

Giles: We spent the time productively.

Hildi: (looking around herself) Well, I don't know what you were producing, but it sure wasn't this room. We're way behind now. We may not have time for the fan.

Buffy: I've seen this show. I still can't believe you were going to put up a ceiling fan.

Hildi: Well, yeah, but I haven't hit my quota for taking ceiling fans down this season, so it wasn't gonna stay. Now, we won't have time and I'll have to fit it in someplace else. But the good news is, I can return it and we'll save some on the budget and maybe we can give your friend a complete set of Anne Rice books to go with the room.

Giles: No, I don't think so.

Hildi: Sure we will. It'll be terrific.

Buffy: We took a poll last night, and the vote was unanimous: we don't like this design, we know Xander's gonna hate it, and we know Anya's gonna hate it. That makes four to one, Hildi. We're undoing this room. Now, you can help us, or you can get out of our way, but those are your only two choices.

Paige: But you guys agreed to work with the designer.

Hildi: I'm doing something exciting here. Your friend is going to love this room when I get done with it.

Giles: You don't seem to understand; you *are* done with it.

Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Xander and Anya are working hard...but the room looks very different, indeed. The walls are now painted a soft, sagey green, the floor is hardwood stained a warm, honey color. Soft piles of fabric in sagey greens, ivory and pale peach lie on the floor ready to be sewn.

Paige: Wow! This is amazing. But it doesn't look very much like it did yesterday when I left. Are you sure you followed Doug's instructions?

Xander: No, we didn't. We went on this show to give Buffy a bedroom she'll love. That's what we're doing.

Anya: Nobody could sleep in a room painted safety orange and purple. Studies have proven this.

Paige: But, but how did you do all this in just one night?

Anya: Oh...just some old contacts of mine.

Paige: But what about budget? You have to have gone way over already and the room's not done yet.

Xander: Don't worry about that. (wraps arm around Anya's shoulders; beams proudly) My girl's got some amazing talents up her sleeve.

Anya: (looking up at Xander, puzzled) I thought we weren't going to talk about our sex life on national television.

Cut to a very disgruntled Buffy and Giles scraping paint off Xander's living room walls. Hildi bats at Giles.

Hildi: Stop it! You can't do this! I'm the designer!

Giles: (turns and glares) Well, we're your worst nightmare; people who refuse to be cowed simply because you waltz in here and tell us your taste is superior to ours. We know our friends, and we know what they like, and this bloody well isn't it.

Buffy: Ignore her, Giles. We don't have time to argue. We're never gonna get the job done at this rate.

Hildi: Of course you're not gonna get it done. You're going backwards! (hauls Giles up my his collar) Leave my design alone!

Buffy: (jumping to her feet) And you leave Giles alone!

Hildi morphs into game face and tosses Giles across the room. Turns to face Buffy.

Buffy: Giles!

Hildi punches Buffy and knocks her down. Buffy kicks Hildi's feet out from under her and jumps up. Kicks Hildi in the face while she's down. Doesn't notice Giles slowly getting to his feet in the corner behind her.

Buffy: Like my design, Hildi?

Hildi: I don't like anything about you, Slayer.

Hildi lunges past Buffy and grabs Giles, taking him into the next room.

Giles: (off-camera) Buffy! Stake!

Buffy looks around in panic, but can't find a stake. Grabs a paintbrush with a point at the end of the handle.

Buffy: Giles! Catch!

Tosses paintbrush into next room at unnatural velocity. Waits nervously. Sounds of battle from next room. Buffy grimaces.

Buffy: Hang on, Giles! I'm coming in there!

Just as she takes the first step, Giles emerges from the next room. His hair is rumpled, his shirt torn, his glasses askew. There is a small wound on his neck. He dusts himself off.

Giles: Well, that was invigorating.

Buffy launches herself into his arms, sniffling against his neck.

Buffy: Giles, Giles!

Giles: I'm alright, Buffy. It's okay.

Giles continues to make soothing noises and rub her back comfortingly. Embrace continues for embarrassing length of time. At last, Buffy looks up at Giles. Giles looks down at Buffy. She blinks. He blinks back. She pulls his head down and kisses the stuffing out of him. He kisses her back. Paige walks in.

Paige: Ohmigod! Stop that! You don't have time to do that. Where's Hildi?

Buffy: (jumping back, looking at Giles, and blushing in pretty much that order) Oh! Sorry. We...um...got a little carried away there.

Giles: Yes, with...with how much Xander's going to love this room when we get finished with it. Yes, that's it.

They smile ingratiatingly at Paige

Paige: Where's Hildi?

Buffy: (looking to Giles for confirmation of their cover story) She...went to...the store. The hardware store. For some...stuff...

Giles: Knobs, I believe. Something about...attaching them to the ceiling for texture, if I recall correctly.

Buffy: Yup. That's right.

Paige: I thought she was saving that up for a big surprise.

Quick intercutting of scenes of both teams hard at work as music plays. Oddly, there is no sign of either designer as they work. Buffy scrapes paint while Giles attempts to remove the glued-on drapes. Xander and Anya hang a canopy on Buffy's bed. Buffy smashes the vampire-mouth coffee table to bits while Giles watches with one eyebrow raised. Anya scatters throw rugs and pillows while Xander hangs curtains. Giles drags Buffy kicking and screaming from disaster room. Xander and Anya high-five one another and run out of room smiling broadly.

Paige: (VO) Will Xander and Anya fall in love with their vampiric living room? Or will their interview go badly? Will Buffy find romance in her new bedroom? Or will she and Rupert just die of horror when they see it?

Cut to Paige sitting in Xander's living room with a very nervous Buffy and a sardonically unconcerned Giles.

Paige: Well, this is a first. It's almost time for the reveal, and I can't find either designer.

Buffy: We were sure she'd be just a minute. Really. I can't think what's happened to her.

Paige: So. The room. You two were against it from the beginning, weren't you.

Giles: I should bloody well think so.

Paige: But come on. You never saw what it was going to be like in the end, so it might have been really dramatic and wonderful, right?

Buffy: Look, whether we finished it or not, we knew we'd have to redo it. Xander hates vampires and he loves his view. At least this way...it's bad, okay, but, hey, we don't have as much to undo.

Giles: I wouldn't have given the room Hildi designed to a dog, let alone friends.

Paige: (Perkily) Well, there's no time to fix it now. Let's see what your friends think of the room.

Cut to Paige leading Xander and Anya into the room. Anya has her hand over her eyes to keep from peeking.

Paige: Okay, I have to admit, there were a couple problems in this room.

Anya: Problems? What have they done? Have they destroyed our living room?

Paige: Buffy and Rupert say they'll fix what you don't like.

Xander: That is so not a good sign.

Paige: Open your eyes and see your new room.

Xander and Anya open their eyes. They stare aghast at the ruins of Xander's living room. The walls are black with large chunks of the paint scraped off, leaving the white paint underneath stained and grayish. Blood red drapes hang in strips from the windows. Most of the windows remain obscured with the cloth and what isn't covered by the fabric is clouded with glue. The sofa is covered in a blood red slipcover, and the coffee table lies before it, smashed to bits.

Anya: What did they do? How could they?

Xander: Holy crap!

Paige: Now before you get too upset...

Anya: Before? Before?! Too late for that! I'll...I'll....

Xander: Honey, calm down. Let's hear what the nice lady has to say on national TV, okay?

Paige: In their defense, Hildi disappeared this morning and they never did see the final plan.

Anya: They painted the walls black!

Xander: Calm down, honey. We'll have them help us redo it.

Anya: I don't trust them, now. I'll do it myself. Redecorating is laughably easy.

Paige: (uncomfortably) Well, let's see what Buffy and Rupert think of their bedroom.

Xander: Uh...don't you mean *her* bedroom?

Paige: (shrugging) Whatever.

Cut to Paige sitting with Anya and Xander in Buffy's bedroom.

Paige: Well, all I can say is, this isn't the room Doug had in mind, but it's gorgeous.

Anya: (grumpily) Unlike our room.

Xander: We just wanted to give Buffy something special. What Doug wanted to do...it just wasn't her. This is Buffy.

Paige: Not only that, but somehow you've done it way under budget. This entire room - even including all the stuff Doug did - cost just nine hundred eighty-five dollars and seventeen cents. I don't know how you did it.

Anya: It's all about having the right contacts.

Xander: Absolutely.

Paige: Do you guys want a job? We're two designers short now.

Anya: How much does it pay? And can I slap home owners who refuse to do what I tell them?

Cut to Paige bringing Buffy and Giles into the room. They both look nervous.

Paige: Open your eyes, and see your new room.

The room is beautiful. Buffy takes it all in, speechless with wonder. Giles smiles softly and nods. The walls are a soft, sage green. The floor, window frames, desk, and bedframe are all hardwood stained a warm honey tone. The floor is scattered with small throw rugs in the green with narrow stripes of ivory, butter yellow and peach. The canopy on the bed is a sheer ivory fabric. The bed linens are a very pale peach color. Several throw pillows in sage green, peach, and ivory are arranged at the head of the bed. The curtains match the canopy. Family photographs are hung on the walls, as are some photos of the Scoobies. The desk chair has been painted ivory with a few tiny multi-colored flowers as a whimsical touch. The overall result is a pretty, feminine, restful room. Buffy begins to cry.

Paige: Oh, don't cry. Why are you crying?

Buffy: Be-because this is so perfect. And we totally trashed their room. I'm so sorry.

Giles: This is lovely.

Buffy: I really hope Xander and Anya don't hate us for what we did.

Paige: But you like your room, right?

Buffy: (sniffling) I love it.

Paige: Well, you can tell your friends, because here they are.

Xander and Anya enter room. Giles looks apologetic. Buffy bursts into tears.

Buffy: I'm sorry, guys. We fought it the whole way, and we'll fix everything, I promise.

Xander: It's okay, Buff. We know what it's like. If I hadn't had Anya working with me, you'd probably have a disaster area, too.

Anya: That doesn't mean you don't have to pay to fix it.

Giles: We'll be happy to cover the costs, and help in any way we can.

Buffy: You guys did an incredible job. This room is...is...it's perfect. It's so romantic.

Paige: Well, you can't win 'em all, but at least everyone is still friends. So thanks to Doug, Hildi, and of course, Ty. We'll see you next time, on Trading Spaces.

Anya: (dragging Xander over) Now, about those jobs....

Takes Paige by the arm and leads her out of the room. Xander follows, shutting the door behind himself. Giles lifts Buffy in his arms and carries her to the bed. As they climb on, he turns to face the camera.

Giles: And turn that bloody thing off!

Closes canopy drapes. Closing credits roll.

THE END