Title: Accept No Substitutes
Author: Gileswench

Spoilers: Through Grave/general spoilers for the first four eps of Manchild
Summary: Buffy heads to England to meet Giles and does... or does she?
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Buffy/James, heavy B/G implications
Category: Smut/crossover
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of Blaire's Gloveslap #119, which reads as follows: Buffy is needing a break from Sunnydale for just a bit. She's been cleaning up the emotional messes of season six's finale, and decides that she's going to visit Giles. This is an irrational decision, and she knows it, considering her financial situation and duties, but she does it anyway. This is where it gets skewed. When Buffy arrives in merry ole England, and tracks Giles down, she doesn't quite make it to his residence. Because, she thinks, she meets up with him in a coffeehouse along the way. But Giles isn't acting himself, and is with a group of friends who call him James. See where this is going, Wenchie? This is not Giles, or even a relative, just someone who looks just like him, as she discovers however you may want to put it. Now, remember, James is in a bad state right now. He's a former player, but can't bring himself to let it out of his pants. But Buffy is just the type of girl he goes for. And somehow, they develop a friendship, be it involved or just a brief one. It's your job to take it from there. Anything from PG-13 to NC-17 is welcome. Oh, and it would be interesting to throw Giles, or at least Spike (traveling around with a soul by now of course) into the mix. I just NEED to see something from this idea.

Dedication: To Blaire, whose mind is a truly frightening place. (shakes head) A Buffy/Manchild crossover; who'd have thunk it?

"You do know you're completely insane, don't you?" Xander asked his passenger as he drove to the airport.

"For the fifty-millionth time, yes. I know. I'm nuts. Just keep driving," Buffy said cheerfully. "Got any messages for Giles or Will while I'm there?"

"Just...tell 'em I said hey, and I hope nothing end of the worldy is going on in their neck of the woods."

The two rode in silence a while longer. At last Xander spoke again.

"Buffy, are you really, really sure about this?"

"I think so."

"'Cause it's not too late to turn back."

"Just make sure Dawn doesn't kill anyone who doesn't need it while I'm gone," she quipped. "Besides, I spent too much money not to do this now."

Xander shook his head and pulled into the parking lot.

*****

As soon as she was safely ensconced on the plane, all Buffy's confidence melted away like snow in a heatwave. At last there was no activity, no Xander, no Dawn and no Hellmouth to distract her from the little voice in the back of her mind that said this was quite possibly the worst idea she'd ever had.

"And that's after I slept with two vampires and got so chummy with Maggie Walsh," she thought to herself.

Still, what was done was done. And what wasn't done...would probably be done before she got back to California.

Unless Giles objected.

But he wouldn't.

Would he?

But it would make things so much simpler. Watcher/Slayer, yin/yang, Man/Woman... wouldn't life be simpler and more fulfilling if they just took the next logical step?

And wouldn't an emotionally balanced Slayer be a better, more effective Slayer? Plus Dawn could use a good role model. Not to mention Giles could bring Willow home where she could get the benefit of all the love the gang had to give to help her get back on her feet again.

Yes, it would be better all the way around if she brought Giles home and proved that she really did care.

Maybe not in a hearts and flowers way, but still...

And maybe what she wasn't sure she felt yet was something she could feel given time and the good old college try.

Once in England she would devote her entire heart and mind to convincing Giles this was a good idea. After all, if she could talk him into it, it had to be the right thing to do.

*****

One long plane ride, one confusing, jostled ride on the Underground into London proper, and one train trip to Bath later, Buffy had definitely decided that leaving the Hellmouth unprotected while she wandered off to carpe her Watcher, who she might or might not actually want that way, was about as ridiculous an idea as she had ever had. In fact, she'd pretty much come to the conclusion that Giles was going to fume at her in that long-winded, constipated, really annoying way he had.

Maybe he was even going to yell at her.

Well it was his fault, anyway.

When he left the first time, she'd fallen straight into Spike's bed. Okay, so she had to admit she'd been moving in that direction already and she couldn't blame Giles for not wanting to be around when she hit bottom and did that. Still.

And okay, Spike had disappeared a while ago. And she'd made real progress since the day Willow tried to destroy the world. Still, the dam had broken on her emotions, leaving her confused and wildly unbalanced. After almost a year of inability to feel anything, with the occasional exceptions of anger, self-disgust, and fear, there was suddenly too much emotion to deal with.

Much of it was good: happiness, humor, desire, love. In fact, all of that was good. It was just...sudden. Unexpected. Confusing. Scary.

And just as she discovered a reason to live, her Watcher and her best friend both left. Together. For another continent.

She knew Willow needed help. She knew Willow needed to be as far from the Hellmouth and its temptations as possible.

She just knew she needed Giles at least as much as Willow did.

And she knew he was gone.

Besides, it had been a whole month. Maybe it was safe for Willow to come home now. Or maybe Buffy could stay in England for a while.

In the end, the one thing Buffy knew was that if anything was ever going to make sense again, she needed Giles to help her figure it out. If it got her smoochies too, so much the better.

She trudged up the street, grim-faced and determined to find him.

Suddenly, Buffy stopped in her tracks. She turned around and looked again. At an outside table at a coffee bar there sat four middle-aged men. One was a thin blonde with an aquiline nose and a predatory air. Another was a non-descript, pop-eyed, overweight man in a loud, royal blue suit. The third was a large yet oddly elegant black man with a studied air of indifference that barely camouflaged a boyish delight in everything around him. Buffy barely noticed the three.

She was too busy looking at the fourth man.

Giles.

But a Giles she had never seen before.

A hunky, sexy, relaxed Giles.

No glasses, tousled hair, pale blue oxford cloth shirt worn open at the neck, tight blue jeans, long legs crossed casually, he sipped at an espresso and joked with his companions. He smiled broadly, gestured freely and generally acted like a Giles she'd never seen before.

Maybe her idea of carpe-ing the man hadn't been so far-fetched after all.

She hurried to his side and grabbed him in a huge hug. A moment later, she felt his arms snake around her waist and return the embrace.

"I missed you so much!" she told him.

She pulled back slightly, taking in the combined confusion and humor in his green eyes.

"Hello," he greeted her. "It's nice to see you."

"Nice to see me? Is that all you can say when I've flown halfway around the world just to be with you?"

"Did you really? That was awfully nice of you."

He looked genuinely gratified at the idea, but faintly puzzled at the same time.

"Again with the 'nice'. What, did you forget all those big words when you got back here? I know; you didn't really sit around researching prophecies and stuff all that time," she teased. "You were really reading the thesaurus from cover to cover, weren't you?"

The other three men exchanged knowing glances during this conversation. At last, the thin one spoke.

"James, where have you been hiding this vision of loveliness? You really must join us...?"

He raised an eyebrow to ask her name. Buffy shot Giles a disgusted look.

"You didn't tell your friends about me? And since when do you have friends, anyway?" She turned to the thin one and held out her hand. "I'm Buffy."

The thin one took the proffered hand a bit too familiarly.

"I'm Terry and this is Gary and Patrick. James, you already seem to know."

"James? What, is that like your middle name, Giles?"

James goggled frankly and sat bereft of speech. Terry looked from his friend to the girl. At last he took James' arm and led him a few steps away.

"Will you excuse us a moment?" he called to Buffy over his shoulder. Patrick quickly rose and followed with a sly grin on his face. Gary smiled uncomfortably at Buffy. For some reason she couldn't help thinking of Spike's friend, Clem.

She smiled back, equally uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, the other three men huddled together speaking in urgent whispers.

"She's obviously mistaken me for somebody else," James protested. "I can't let her go on thinking I'm this... Giles fellow, can I?"

"Of course you can," Terry assured him. "The gods have dropped a piece of Heaven in your lap, James. Only a great fool would turn that down. Play your cards right, and she'll be in your bed tonight."

"But she said he knows big words and... and researches things. The only things I know are railways, dentistry and sex."

"But you do know sex," Patrick urged. "If she asks you what you've been researching, tell her the Kama Sutra and offer to demonstrate your new-found knowledge."

"Besides," Terry added, "she can't know him all that well if she's mistaken you for him. My guess is she's not terribly bright."

"Is that a good thing?" James asked faintly.

"For you, yes," Terry assured him. "For this Giles person, probably not."

"But she's going to figure it out eventually," James protested. "What do I do then? What if she turns violent?"

Terry and Patrick scoffed.

"That little thing?" Terry laughed. "I doubt she could hurt a fly if she wanted to."

"It's not as if you can't decide later to tell all," Patrick reminded him. "And in the meantime, consider it performance art. The sort that really appreciates over time. The sort with the best possible fringe benefits."

"But...what about...I mean...I haven't..."

Patrick and Terry gave twin groans of disgusted frustration.

"Still?" Patrick asked pointedly as his eyes flickered over James' crotch.

"Well, once," James admitted. "But what if something goes wrong? What if...I can't, after all?"

"Carpe diem, James," Patrick crooned in his ear. "Seize the day!"

"Veni, vedi, vici," Terry added. "Go on. Do it. Trust me, she'll thank you for it later."

Under the combined conviction of his companions, James crumbled utterly.

"All right," he said, "but I can't see this working for long."

James squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, popped a fresh stick of chewing gum in his mouth, and headed back to the table. Terry and Patrick shared a gleefully triumphant grin as they followed him.

James took Buffy's arm and bent to kiss her cheek.

"Shall we go, then?" he asked her.

Buffy blushed and smiled.

"Sure. I can't believe how different you're being."

"D - different? Really? Um...sorry?"

Buffy took his arm in a proprietary fashion and steered him away from the coffee bar.

"Don't worry, Giles. I'm no way complaining about it."

Gary joined his friends.

"Is he really going to do this? Go off with a bird who thinks he's somebody else? That's mad."

"I shouldn't worry, Gary," Patrick mused. "It's not as if she won't figure it out in the end."

"Yeah, but what if she figures it out while he's in her end?"

"Then it's a good lesson to her to pay more attention," Terry said firmly. "In the meantime, James will spend a fantastic time with a model half his age, discovering the hedonistic pleasures of going to bed with a firm, young woman. God, it's good to be fifty!"