Title: Humanitis
Author: Saber ShadowKitten

(notes in part one)

Spike walked with slow, measured steps on his way back to the school. He had found a few of his former minions at Willie's who were willing to go down to Brazil to find out the situation without asking him too many questions. Luckily, they didn't seem to notice his heart beat or the fact he was breathing.

He looked up into the clear sky, shading his eyes with his hand. Being out in the sunshine was probably the only thing good about his predicament. That and the Slayer wasn't trying to kill him, was actually being friendly to him. Too bad she was in love with someone else.

He arrived back at the school as sunset was nearing, having taken a detour through a park to sit and watch some children playing in a pond, chasing fish and frogs. One of the little girls reminded him of Buffy, all full of life. He played the what if game in his mind, as well, before deciding he was turning into brood boy and headed back to the school.

"There you are!" Buffy exclaimed as he walked through the library doors. "It's getting dark outside."

"Worried, pet?" Spike asked, giving her a cocky grin, hiding his feelings.

"No, yes, no," Buffy stammered. "I just didn't want to go out on patrol and find you dead, because you'd probably haunt me."

"Anything you say, Slayer," he said, walking up to Oz who was sitting on the table, strumming his acoustic guitar. "You got a minute, mate?"

Oz looked up at the clock. "Actually, I have three."

Spike frowned in confusion, then lowered his voice. "I have one of those ‘male' questions for you."

"Ah," Oz said, setting the guitar down in the case. He slid off the table and motioned for the ex- vampire to join him in the cage. "What's up?"

"Something odd happened this morning," Spike said. "My heart felt like it was being squeezed at the same time it was expanding. Bloody weird feeling."

"Do you know what triggered it?"

"I looked at a bowl of cereal," he replied.

Oz furrowed his brow slightly. "What was so special about the cereal?"

"Nothing. Buffy had fixed it when I was getting coffee."

"Oh, well that explains it," Oz said. "I feel that every time Willow steps into the room."

"What is it?"

"Utter happiness," he answered. "It happens when you're in complete and total love with a person." He glanced over at the clock. "Sorry man, times up."

Spike frowned. "What?"

"It's about to get a little hairy in here, so you might want to leave," Oz told him as he started taking off his shirt.

"Spike, you need to leave the cage," Willow said, walking into the cage to check the window. She ushered Spike out with her, then closed the door. "See you in the morning, sweety."

Oz gave Willow a small smile, then disappeared behind the shelf. Spike gave the red head a questioning look. "What's going on?"

"My boyfriend's a werewolf," Willow answered simply. Oz-wolf jumped at the cage door in punctuation, making Spike leap backwards. "See?"

Spike's heart was pounding in his chest and he felt short of breath. "Bloody," gasp. "Fucking," gasp. "Hell."

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked, looking up from her homework.

"Oz scared him," Willow explained. Oz-wolf growled as if in response to his name.

"I bloody hate this!" Spike yelled, spinning on his heel, heart still pounding and disappearing up into the stacks.

Buffy and Willow watched him storm off, then looked at each other. "Definitely decaf," Willow said.

"Think I should go after him?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know," Willow replied. "He could be doing that guy thing. You know, when they go off like guys do."

"Well, as long as he's here in the library," she said. "I know it sounds silly, but I really don't want him to be running around alone at night. Knowing him, he'd get into trouble within thirty seconds, and he's just a human now. Fighting skill or not, he does rely on his strength. Remember what happened when I no longer had mine?"

"Yeah," Willow said. Oz-wolf growled again, and she looked back at him. "You ok watching Oz? Giles won't be here until around five tomorrow."

"Go," Buffy told her. "I can deal with your boyfriend's inner beast."

"Thanks," she replied, picking up her backpack. "Hopefully we'll get Amy back tonight. I've been researching on shape shifting, and the night before and on the full moon is the best."

"Good luck," Buffy said. Willow left with a wave and the Slayer returned to her books. "Ok, what does J'adore mon chat translate to? Um, I love to talk?"

"I love my cat," Spike's voice drifted down to her. She turned her head to see him sitting on the stairs. "It means ‘I love my cat' not ‘I love to talk'. That's J'adore parler."

"Thanks," she smiled at him. "I didn't know you could speak French."

"J'allais jusqu'au bois de noisetier
Poussé par un feu dans mon coeur
Je taillai une ligne de noisetier
Et pendis une baie à mon fil
Et quand les phalènes reprirent leur vol
Et les étoiles filantes leurs sauts Je plongeai la baie dans le torrent
Jusqu'à y prendre une truite d'argent

"Quand je l'eus posée là par terre
J'allai pour remettre le feu en flammes
Mais quelque chose bruissait là par terre
Et quelqu'un appela mon nom:
Ce fut soudain une pétillante fille
Des fleurs de pommier aux cheveux
Qui appela mon nom puis s'en fut
Disparut dans les brumes de l'aube

"Or bien que vieilli de voyages
Par basses terres et hautes terres
Je trouverai où elle se cache
J'aurai ses lèvres prendrai ses mains
Et j'irai le long des longues herbes mures
Cueillant jusqu'au bout du temps et des temps
Les pommes d'argent de la lune
Les pommes dorées du soleil"

"Wow," Buffy said. He shrugged like it was no big deal. "I'd hate to have to translate all that."

Spike gave her a lopsided grin. "Want me to translate for you?"

"Please," she nodded, turning fully in her chair to face him.

"I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;
And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout

"When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire aflame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

"Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun."

"I double my wow and raise you a that was beautiful," Buffy told him.

This time, he gave her a sad smile. "I'm gonna go for a walk, pet," he said, pushing to his feet.

"Um, no."

"What?" Spike looked at her like she was crazy.

"I have to stay here and Oz-sit, so I can't walk you home," Buffy explained.

"I don't need a bloody escort service," he scoffed.

"Spike, please don't fight me," she replied. "If you want, when Angel stops by you can go with him."

"Not bloody likely," he spat, storming towards the doors.

Buffy was on her feet in an instant. She grabbed his arm and forcibly stopped him. Oz-wolf jumped on the cage, snarling. "Spike, for some totally whacked out reason, you're human. That means, if you go out there at night, you have a chance of becoming very dead. Or worse," she yelled. "Did you stop to think what would happen if some vampire decided to turn you again?"

"Why the fuck do you care?" Spike yelled back. Oz-wolf started to growled loudly, launching himself at the door. "You never did before! All you ever cared about was Angel, even when he did nothing but fuck up your life and my life and your friends lives!"

"Angel has nothing to do with the fact that you're a human!"

"He's got everything to do with the fact that I'm a bloody human!" Spike continued yelling. "If it wasn't for him losing his fucking soul, then he wouldn't have taken Dru away from me!"

"And that has relevance how?" Buffy asked sarcastically.

"Damn you, Buffy! Angel took Dru, Dru left me, I moved on and she got jealous! She knew that this was one of the two things that could destroy me!" he spat. "I can't be a human! I hated being human! I was pathetic and weak and worthless and I hated it! I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Oz-wolf let out a long howl, surprising both so badly, they jumped several feet apart. Spike's heart was hammering so hard in his chest, it felt like it was going to burst, both from anger and fright. He shoved past Buffy, sprinting back up into the stacks, emotions that he couldn't name choking him up. He kept going deeper into the second floor until he found an tattered, orange chair near a corner and flung himself into it, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Harsh, ugly sobs rose from his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.

Buffy stood frozen in her spot, listening to the sounds of Spike's sobbing mixed in with Oz-wolf's low growls. She hadn't realized how truly hard it was on him, she just assumed that anyone would want to be human again if given the chance. She never thought that he could be anything but the Spike she knew, the tough, brassy, sarcastic male who was able to love despite not having a soul.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy let it out slowly. She went over to the table, picked up some of her books, then went into Giles' office, closing the door behind her to give him some privacy. Sitting down at the librarian's desk, she rested her elbows on it and leaned her head on her fingertips. She debated on calling someone, but the only person who she thought would be able to help him was currently prowling the cage in the other room. Xander was out of the question, he would never listen to Angel, Giles was MIA for the night and she wouldn't call Wesley for a billion dollars. She just had to hope that he would be ok.