Title: Humanitis
Author: Saber ShadowKitten

(notes in part one)

"Spi-ike?"

Spike groaned at the sound of his name. "Go away."

"Spi-ike, I need you to wake u-p," Buffy sang, crouching next to him on the floor.

He opened his eyes and noticed the brightness of the room. He also noticed that he had a hard on, which wasn't too strange, but he didn't recall any erotic dreams. Then he remembered Oz's last minute conversation with him. *And every morning I get to look forward to this,* he thought sullenly. He looked at Buffy, who had a huge smile on her face. "What?"

"Not to increase your already overblown ego," she said. "But you look kinda cute in the sunlight."

"What?" Spike sat up and stared at her. Then he noticed he was sitting directly in a patch of sunlight coming from the open window. He held out his hands, turning them over then back, watching the sun not burn them. "Cor," he whispered in amazement.

"Giles said he would be happy if you came down to the library today," Buffy told him, being sure not to mention the words ‘babysit' or ‘watch you.' "You can continue researching your predicament."

"Uh-huh," he replied, not paying the slightest bit of attention to her. He was too fascinated with the sunlight.

"Spike, did you hear what I said?"

"Uh-huh."

"There's a monster in the toilet that will bite your dick off when you go to use it," Buffy said.

"Sounds good," Spike replied, looking at how the light played over the hair on his arms.

"I love you so much, and if I don't jump your bones right now, I'm going to die," she said.

"Uh-huh," he said. Then his head shot up. "What?"

Buffy laughed. "Nothing. Why don't you go take a shower. If you want to come to school with me, we have to leave in twenty-five minutes." His stomach growled in response. "And it sounds like you need to eat, too."

"Right, Joyce told me that's what it meant last night," Spike said, standing. He winced at the soreness in his back. "I hate this. You know that, Slayer?"

"Yes, Spike, I know," Buffy replied. "You told me plenty of times last night."

"Well, I'm reiterating it. I bloody hate this," he told her.

"Just go take a shower," she said, giving him a slight push.

Spike cursed as the water warmed up, using the toilet once again. "Do I have to bloody go all the fucking time?" After flushing, he climbed into the shower and let out a shout, jumping back. "Bloody fucking hell!" He leaned forward, trying to reach the shower knob to adjust the temperature without being scalded. Gritting his teeth, the water cooled down enough for him to step under the spray. Yet another downfall of being a human - feeling temperature differences.

"Highway to hell," he sang under his breath as he showered. "I'm on a highway to hell." At least his hard on went away on its own. He then realized that he would have to put the same clothes back on, and that he didn't even have his toothbrush. Blood breath was bad, but morning mouth was even worse. And he had a great toothbrush, too, a gift from Drusilla before Angel lost his soul. It was one of those brushes with a cartoon figure for a handle. His was Count Duckula.

After drying off, Spike climbed out of the shower to see a small paper bag with his name on it sitting on the sink. *That wasn't here before,* he thought, frowning as he opened it. It turned into a grin when he pulled out a comb, a tooth brush, toothpaste, even deodorant. He looked up and saw his hazy reflection in the mirror behind the fog from the shower. He quickly wiped it off and saw himself smiling back at him. "Well, this is one plus," he told himself as he combed his hair.

Eventually, he made it downstairs, his stomach rumbling. He found Joyce and Buffy sitting in the kitchen. "Morning," he greeted cheerfully.

"You're in a better mood," Buffy said, gesturing to a bowl of cereal with the carton of milk sitting next to it. "Dig in. We have to leave in a few."

"Thank you," he said. "And thank you to whichever lovely lady got me the toothbrush."

Joyce smiled. "You're quite welcome, Spike. I figured you didn't bring anything when you came up here from LA."

"I did leave in a bloody hurry," he said, frowning at the milk and cereal. "Do you have any coffee?"

"Behind you," Joyce told him. "Cup's above the microwave."

Buffy noted the expression on his face before he turned to get some coffee. She quickly opened the milk and poured it on the cereal, then added several scoops of sugar. It was Cheerio's, after all. "Do you want to head home today?" she asked.

"Trying to get rid of me already, Slayer?" Spike teased as he returned to island, coffee in hand. He saw what Buffy had done and felt his heart do something funny. It felt almost like it was filling and compressing at the same time, and his breath caught in his throat. He must have made a face, because she looked at him with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know," he confessed, breathing out heavily. "Whatever happened wasn't bad."

"Maybe it was the coffee," Joyce suggested. "It warms you from the inside as you drink it."

Spike didn't think that was it, but didn't want to say anything. He'd ask Oz later, in case it was a ‘guy' thing. He'd been embarrassed enough over the past twelve hours. He took a bite of the cereal and felt the sweetness explode in his mouth. "Cor, this is good."

"Good for you, too," Buffy told him.

"Until you poured all that sugar on it," Joyce corrected.

"It's tasteless if you don't," she replied. "Besides, he seems to be enjoying it at the rate it's disappearing. Jeez, Spike, you're worse than Xander."

Spike glowered at her. "Am not," he said with a mouthful of food.

Both Buffy and Joyce started laughing, and the latter stood. "Do you want a ride to school?"

"Nah," Buffy told her. "I want to take Fido here out for a walk in the sun." Spike glared at her, but kept eating and drinking his coffee. "Plus, I promised Willow I'd pick her and Xander up along the way."

"Ok, I'll see you tonight then," Joyce said. "Please try and be home for dinner."

"Yes, mom," Buffy sighed.

"Have a pleasant day, Spike."

"You too, mum," Spike replied, giving her a devilish grin. Joyce shook her head in motherly defeat, then left.

"Spike, she's not your mom, she's my mom," Buffy chastised as she put her dishes in the sink.

"So?"

"Do you know how infuriating you are?"

"Of course," Spike replied. "That's what I'm best at. Besides killing, that is."

"Well, you can't do that anymore," Buffy said. "First of all, you have no reason to. Second, it could backfire and you'd die. Third, if you didn't die, I'd hurt you. A lot. Then I'd let Angel hurt you. Finally, I have enough death in my life already. Will you please try and restrain your violent tendencies?"

"Only because you threatened so nicely," he answered, finishing off the coffee.

Buffy looked up towards the ceiling. "Save me from human vampires."

"Do you know how bloody ridiculous that sounds, pet?"

"About as ridiculous as you sitting in my kitchen still talking instead of being a pile of dust," she replied.

Spike brought his dishes to the sink, putting his arms on either side of her and leaning against her back. "Come on, ducks. I know you fancy me," he said in her ear.

"In your dreams," she said, then bit the inside of her cheek as she remembered that was true. She turned her head far enough to look up at him and saw his face was flushed and he was breathing somewhat heavily. "We should go."

"Yeah," Spike croaked out, then cleared his throat. "We probably should." But he didn't move, his hands resting on the sink on either side of her. She smelled so good, felt so good against him.

"Spike?" Buffy said.

"Yes, luv?"

"You have to move before we can go," she said.

He stepped back away from her suddenly, as if he'd been burned. "Bloody hell," he said under his breath.

Buffy turned and gave him a half-smile, put on her coat and grabbed her backpack and purse. "Come on, let's go."

Spike followed her out the door, squinting in the bright sunlight. He shivered when a gust of wind hit him, and he hunched his shoulders, pulling his duster closer to him. "I hate this," he muttered.

"Cold?" Buffy asked as they walked down the street.

"If my body shivering means that I'm cold, then yes," he said between clenched teeth.

Buffy stopped and grabbed his arm to stop him, as well. "Look, I didn't do have anything to do with this, but if it's any consolation, I'm sorry," she told him.

Spike studied her upturned face, checking the seriousness of her words. He took a deep breath, noting the crispness of the air as he inhaled, then sighed. "It's not your fault, pet. You've been more than kind in trying to figure out what happened. This is all so bloody befuddling to me. I haven't been alive in over two hundred years. I feel like such a bloody baby."

"At least you can tell us what you're feeling," Buffy comforted. "Babies can't. Plus, you already knew how to eat, walk and do other...things. You just have to relearn your body signals. After all, you may be human for the rest of your life."

"Joy," he replied.

Buffy frowned. "I wonder if you'll age regularly," she said as they continued their way to Willow's house. "You know what else I was wondering?"

"What's that, ducks?"

"Why'd you think that I was the one who turned you human," Buffy replied.

"I don't know," Spike answered. *Maybe because it's you I think about all the time,* he added mentally.

"It could have easily been Drusilla," she said.

"True, but I don't think she has that kind of power," he replied, frowning. "Unless she had help. But why would she want to make me huma-...oh." Realization dawned on Spike. *She could have been reading my thoughts and found I was no longer thinking of her, then did this to punish me, knowing that I'd hate it.*

"Oh, what?"

"Never mind," Spike said quickly. "Isn't that Willow and that whelp?"

"His name is Xander, be nice," Buffy told him as the two friends walked to join them. "Hi, guys."

"Hi Buffy, hi Spike," Willow greeted cheerfully, falling in step next to the peroxide blond. "How do you like the sun?"

"If I wasn't cold, it'd be nice," Spike answered her.

"Have you ever noticed that the Hellmouth is one wiggy place?" Xander asked from the other side of Buffy.

"All the time, why?" Buffy said.

"I just wanted to point it out again. Make sure everyone was on the same level when I say: why Deadboy, the Second? Why not the original? I bet he's steamed, too. Like a pair of pants," Xander replied.

"I thought you pressed pants," Willow said. "And steamed dresses."

"What about ships?" Spike joked to the red head. "Or trains?" Willow giggled.

"Spike, you're pathetic," Buffy said. "And yes, Angel is not the happy camper. But life hasn't been fair to us so far, why should it change?"

Spike looked down at her as they headed for the school. Her face was an expression of sadness and he felt a tightening in his chest, wanting him to pull her into his arms and make everything better. He didn't remember human bodies reacted to everything, even emotions. And as much as he wanted her for himself, he wanted her happiness more. "Cheer up, pet. If we figure out how this happened, maybe you can do it to your poopsy."

"My poopsy?" Buffy asked, not believing his terminology. "You are so strange."

"How can I not be?" Spike replied. "I'm a two hundred year old vampire turned human who's walking to high school with his mortal enemy and her chums."

They arrived at the school and joined in the throng of people heading into the building. "I'm going to drop Spike off at the library," Buffy told her friends. "I'll see you in class."

"See you later," Willow said.

"I can't believe that Spike's here at school, during the day," Xander said to Willow as they stopped at their lockers, the other two continuing on.

"I can't bloody believe that I'm here at a school, during the day," Spike muttered to himself as he brushed passed students. All this warm blood walking around, and he couldn't hear it or smell it. And that was his favorite part of being a vampire, next to the killing. He was starting to get depressed.

"Hi, Giles," Buffy greeted the librarian as they entered the library. "He's all yours. Try not to choke him, I want that privilege."

"Thanks, Slayer, you're too kind," Spike said, brushing past her to slump down on a chair.

Buffy frowned at him, then turned to Giles and lowered her voice. "Spike's been moody all morning. I'd say he has PMS, but he lacks...or rather, has too many parts."

"Are you saying he is having mood swings?" Giles asked.

"Big time. Oh, and he doesn't have a soul. He's still the same old Spike," she replied. The warning bell rang. "I gotta get to class. Have fun." She looked over at Spike. "See you later, Spike." Spike gestured goodbye, but didn't raise his eyes from the surface of the table. Buffy gave Giles a pointed look, then left.

"Well, um, Spike," Giles said. "H-How is it going?"

"Bloody fucking awful," Spike replied sullenly.

"Anything you wish to speak about?" Giles asked.

"I think Dru did this to me," he said.

"Why do you think that?"

He shrugged. "It's only a thought. She'd do it if she were jealous."

"Does she have reason to be jealous?" Giles inquired, trying to get more information.

"Yeah," Spike sighed. "But she was the one who said it was over. Why can't I think about someone else? What gives her the bloody right to dictate who I choose to love?"

"Is-is there any way we may ascertain for certain that she is the one who made you human?" Giles asked.

"Not unless we want to make a trip to good old sunny Brazil," he replied.

"Maybe we do," Giles said. Spike's head shot up and looked at him. "If you're that miserable as a-a-a human, maybe we should go down there and make her change you back."

Spike thought about it for a moment, then sighed. "I don't know, Watcher. I could be wrong," he said, then added silently, *But not bloody likely.*

"Well then, I guess we had better get to work," Giles said, handing him a stack of books. "I shall be in my office if you require anything."

Spike watched Giles walk away, then opened a book. But instead of reading, he was planning on how he was going to find out if Dru was the culprit and if she could do whatever she did to Angel. He knew he'd never have a chance with the Slayer, so he'd love her by giving her everything she desired, which, unfortunately, included his sire.

"Spike's in love with me," Buffy whispered to Willow in their first period class. The two girls sat next to each other, while Xander sat a few rows up.

"What?" Willow gasped.

"He's in love with me," she repeated. "Last night, I went to wake him up and he started talking in his sleep. He said something about taking a bath with him and vanilla scented soap, then he pulled me down on the bed next to him and told me he loved me."

"No," Willow said in disbelief. Buffy nodded. "Oh, wow. Does he know he told you?"

"Nope," she replied. "Like I said, he was still asleep when he started talking. Then this morning, he put his arms around me when he put his dishes in the sink to tease me, and he got all flushed."

"Oh wow."

"You said that already, Will."

"Yeah, but this is like very oh wow," Willow said. "He's Spike. Spike is in love with you. It's like...Spike being in love with you."

"Good analogy," Buffy said sarcastically. Willow shrugged. "Anyway, despite the fact that he is a major hottie, he's still no Angel."

"Would you jump him, though?"

"Willow!"

"What? I can't have naughty thoughts about no-longer-undead men?" Willow asked.

"You're having dirty thoughts about Spike?" Buffy said, arching a brow.

"No, no, no. Oz is my only dirt," Willow replied. "Unless you count wolf-Oz as different dirt."

Buffy giggled. "Willow, you are bad."

"That's me, I'm a baddie," Willow grinned. "But someone didn't answer my question."

"I plead the fourth," Buffy said.

"Don't you mean the fifth?"

"Whatever means I'm not going to answer that question," Buffy said. "That's the one."

"I see how it is," Willow said, nodding. "You'd do him in the middle of the library."

Buffy blushed bright red. "Willow," she hissed.

"Miss Summers, Miss Rosenberg, would you care to join us?" the teacher asked.

Both girls looked down apologetically. "Sorry," they said. When the teacher went on, Willow leaned over to Buffy. "You know you would."

The Slayer was red for the rest of class.

"Where's Spike?" Buffy asked Giles as the group came into the library at lunch time.

"He was getting a bit stir crazy, so he took a walk," Giles said.

"Oh, ok. Well, if he comes back and is hungry, he can use my lunch pass," Buffy said, giving it to the librarian. "I brought my own. Tell him we'll be back after school."