Title: Humanitis
Author: Saber ShadowKitten

(notes in part one)

Buffy heard singing, sort of, as she pad towards the kitchen the next morning. She covered her mouth to hold back her laughter as she watched Spike nod his head in time with the music coming over his walkman as he stood in front of the stove, making breakfast.

"Head like a hole, black as your soul. I'd rather die, than give you control," he sang, stirring the eggs in the pan. "Bow down before the one you serve. You're going to get what you deserve. Bow down before the one you serve." He picked up a second fork and began to tap out a beat on the edge of the metal pan. "You're going to get." He tossed the fork in the air, spinning to catch it. "What you de-"

Spike saw Buffy standing there, watching him. The fork clattered to the ground. Quickly pressing stop on the walkman, he pushed the headphones off his ears. "How long have you been here?" he asked casually.

"Long enough," she replied, taking a seat at the kitchen table, huge smile on her face.

His face was burning as he picked up the fallen fork and tossed it into the sink. Turning back to the pan, he asked over his shoulder, "Hungry?"

"Starved," Buffy answered. "Then again, lately I'm always starved."

"Why's that, pet?" Spike asked.

"I'm... a growing girl," she sort of lied, avoiding telling him yet again. She cursed at herself in her head for being a chicken.

"Eat up, then," he said, putting a plate in front of her. "Can't have my Slayer starve to death."

Buffy looked at the food, then stood and retrieved the syrup from the refrigerator that still proclaimed its love for her. She poured a large amount of the sweet, sticky substance over everything on the plate, then took a bite. "Yum. Delish."

Spike arched a brow at her, but did not comment as he fixed his own plate up before taking a seat across from her. "Did you sleep well, luv?"

"Like a baby," Buffy answered, then lowered her eyes. *Tell him,* she said to herself. "Um, Spike?"

"Yes, pet?"

"Why do you still have all the windows boarded over?" she asked quickly. *Coward.*

He took another bite of food, chewed and swallowed while he gathered his thoughts. "I think it's because I'm afraid."

"You?" Buffy said incredulously.

"Yeah, me," Spike said with the same inflection. "Not everyone can be the fearless Slayer."

"I'm far from fearless, believe me," she said. "But that still doesn't tell me why."

"Maybe I don't want to wake up one day a bloody pile of ashes," he replied, stabbing at his eggs.

"That would be an inconvenience," Buffy joked.

He looked up, saw her grin and rolled his eyes. "You're a laugh a minute, Slayer."

"I know," she replied. They ate in silence for a few minutes until her plate was nearly empty. "This is really good."

"Breakfast I can do," Spike told her. "Especially since I normally get up with the birds."

"Why so early?" Buffy asked.

"I only slept few hours a night, er...day, most of my unlife," he replied. "It didn't change too much now that I'm human."

"I take it that's why you're so good at a lot of stuff," she commented. "Knowing you, you must have really been bored."

"‘Immortality, Captain, consists largely of boredom,'" Spike quoted. At her confused look, he added, "Star Trek."

"Ah," Buffy nodded, giving him an you're-really-weird-but-I'm-not-going-to-say-it-out-loud look.

"Yes, I was bored out of my bloody skull most of the time," he answered her question. "I finished the picture, if you want to take a gander."

Buffy grinned and stood, taking her now empty plate and putting it in the sink. "Is it still on the table?"

"No, it's in the basement," he replied.

She nodded and made her way to the basement as he started to put the dishes in the dish washer. The vastness of the finished room was her first impression as she flipped on the light. Nice beige carpeting covered the floor, fake wood paneling covered the walls. A large computer desk with computer was set up along one wall, shelves of more books and a variety of games lined another.

Walking further into the room, she saw two framed pictures on the wall. "Wow," she said as she saw herself in the finished drawing. The second one was of Drusilla, the vampiress having a faint smile on her lips, her eyes surprising clear and full of devilish mischief. She heard Spike come down the stairs and commented over her shoulder, "These are really good."

"Thanks, pet," Spike replied, coming to stand behind her. "I did one of Willow and Oz which I sent to Oz the other day."

"For her birthday?" Buffy asked. She caught sight of another picture out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes," he answered as she walked away from him.

"Spike," she sighed when she was close enough to the picture on the dartboard. "This isn't very nice."

"Who said I was nice?" Spike replied.

She scowled at him, then returned to looking at the picture. "It is a good picture of Angel, though, in a mocking sort of way."

"Thank you," he said sincerely. He gave her a lopsided grin at her look. "So, pet, what are you up for today? Cards? Going for a walk? Making out?"

Buffy gave him a slow, seductive smile and walked over to him with a sexy prowl. She put her hands on his t-shirt clad chest. "I think," she said, running her hands up around his neck. "We should." She looked up at him and licked her lips. "Go for a walk."

Spike groaned as she stepped back from him with an evil grin. "That was cruel, Slayer."

"But fun," Buffy replied cheerfully.

His arms snaked out and yanked her to him, pressing her petite form to his lanky one. "This is funner," he whispered before capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

This kiss was infinitely more powerful than the tentative one they shared the previous night. He demanded rather than asked, claimed rather than coaxed as their mouths and tongues met in a passionate battle. Both their hearts were slamming against their rib cages, excitement coursing through them while they melted against one another, trying to get closer.

Spike released her slowly, their breaths coming in quick pants, and took a step back. "Now," he croaked, his voice heavy with arousal. He cleared his throat, then continued. "How ‘bout that walk?"

It was cool outside for early May, but that did not deter families from venturing forth. The park where they walked to was full of people enjoying the sunny Sunday. Children played catch with their dads, some flew kites, others fed the ducks floating in the small lake in the center of the park. Side by side, the two former enemies made their way down the path around that lake, avoiding rollerbladers and bicyclers until they came to a bridge crossing the water. There, Spike led Buffy down the bank to the water's edge where small fish could be seen swimming in the shallow stream that fed the lake.

"This is my favorite spot," Spike confided in her as he picked up a handful of rocks and began skimming them across the surface. "Even when I was my old self, I'd come down here and sit under the bridge all day, protected from the sun but still able to enjoy it."

"Are you sure you're a vampire?" Buffy asked, crouching to run her hand in the water. "Or rather, were."

"Some little blond girl changed me," he admitted. "I loved violence and death, being in control. My days were filled with things to entertain myself, but my nights were for the hunt, for blood. Then I go to Sunnyhell with my Princess and my perfect unlife started to fall apart."

"How? You seemed pretty confident and in control to me," she said, picking up a shiny rock from beneath the surface.

"First of all, no matter what I did, you and your mates blocked me at every turn," he said, tossing a rock at a school of fish. "Then you go and drop a bloody organ on me."

"Mess with my boyfriend, you pay the price," Buffy said with a grin.

"But then your bloody boyfriend came back to our side and made a mess of my life," Spike replied. "He took over my home, took my woman and was a bloody fucking nuisance all around. Add to that the fact that I was stuck in a bloody wheelchair because of you."

"Sorry," she apologized, giving him a sheepish grin.

"Don't be, pet," he told her. "If it was the three of us, you'd be six feet under no matter that you're the best Slayer I've ever seen."

"Overconfident much?"

"Only telling the truth, Slayer," Spike replied. "I would have killed you just to shut the wanker up, but I couldn't and I ended up admiring you even more than I already did."

"You admired me?" Buffy asked, surprised.

"Of course," he answered without hesitation. "You're a beautiful, strong, witty girl who didn't give into Angelus' games. Then I made the deal with you to get Dru back and we left, but I couldn't stop thinking about you, wondering if you were alright. That was one of the reasons I went back to that bloody hell hole."

Buffy looked up at him. The sun was casting strong shadows on his face, making his already chiseled features more defined. His brow was knitted slightly as if in disgust or anger with himself.

"Then I found out that stupid wanker was all soul-having again and I got jealous," Spike continued. "Jealousy on me does not equate with logic, hence the spell to make Drusilla love me again."

"But the spell was never completed," Buffy said. "And you said you were going to go back and torture her into loving you again."

"Never made it," he shrugged. "Ended up here in LA, trying to forget the way you pressed up against me in your kitchen, or the way you fought by my side, or the way you told me to duck." He skimmed another rock across the surface. "Good thing I was already dead or I would have bloody well drank myself to death. I started coming out here after I got the house to be part of your world even if only a little. Then one day I woke up human and the rest you know."

Buffy stood and went over to him. "Well, I'm glad you changed or I would never had gotten the chance to know how great you really are," she said, wrapping her hands around the back of his neck and pulling his head down for a kiss.

Spike blinked in surprise, then dropped the rocks still in his hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close as his eyes closed. The kiss was tender and sweet and they stood exploring and tasting one another until a few kids from the bridge above started dropping rocks into the water near them.

Breaking apart was difficult for both. Spike brought his hand around and put it under her chin, lightly caressing her lower lip with his thumb. "Have I told you how wonderful you are?"

"Once," she replied. "But you were slightly delirious and naked at the time." The look on his face made her giggle. "Don't worry, I didn't look...much."

Spike started to blush, releasing her. "Did I do anything else that I don't bloody remember so I can be embarrassed all at one time?" He watched as a deep blush stole over her face, deeper then his and he sighed. "What did I do?"

"You remember I told you that you talk in your sleep?" Buffy asked, her eyes studiously avoiding his as she geared herself up to tell him. "Well, let's just say that's not all you do in your sleep."

He frowned, not understanding. "I didn't wet the bed, did I?"

"No," she replied immediately. "Nothing like that."

"Good," he said. After she didn't go on, he asked, "Then what did I bloody do?"

"You, um..." Buffy paused and took a deep breath, then quickly finished, running her words together. "Madelovetome."

"Do what?" Spike stepped forward and captured her chin, making her look up at him. "Repeat that."

Buffy was blushing so red, she must have matched Willow's hair. "You made love to me," she replied in a small voice.

Shock could not adequately describe the look on Spike's face. He let go of her and took a step back, almost falling over the loose rocks. He could not believe what she just told him. How could he not remember making love to her? It was his every fantasy to do that, and he slept through it. "Bloody fucking hell," he cursed, staring at her.

Buffy's face fell into sadness at his reaction. "I'm sorry. It happened so quickly that I didn't stop you. I understand why you wouldn't want to..." She was interrupted by him grabbing and silencing her with a hard kiss.

"Slayer, do not ever think that I would not bloody want to," Spike told her. "I want to make love to you so badly it hurts, and not just here." He put her hand on the bulge in his jeans that had hardened when he thought of making love to her. "I love you so bloody fucking much and hate that the first time I was able to touch your heavenly body I was fucking asleep!"

She stared at him, her eyes huge as she felt the evidence of his arousal and heard his words. She knew that he loved her, he'd told her often enough even though he'd been mostly out of it. But she thought that he would have been ecstatic, not angry. If this was his reaction to him making love to her, she could imagine what it would be if she told him she was pregnant. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be sorry, pet," he said, stifling his anger at himself. "I should be bloody apologizing. It couldn't have been all that good to have my affections thrust onto you."

"Nice choice of words," she couldn't help saying. She began to giggle, which turned into a full fledged laugh as the conversation played back in her mind.

Spike stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. "What's so funny, Slayer?"

"You, me, this," Buffy laughed.

"It's not funny," he growled, stalking away from her back up the side of the bank. "I wanted candles and soft sheets and music and to be bloody conscious!"

Buffy watched as he stomped off, her laughter dying immediately. Tears sprung in her eyes as he disappeared from sight, the fact that she didn't tell him about the baby weighing heavily on her. Wiping her eyes, she climbed up the bank and headed back towards the house alone.