Title: Humanitis
Author: Saber ShadowKitten

(notes in part one)

Angel sat outside Buffy's bedroom window, waiting for her to get home. He had some information for her about another ‘new power' arising in Sunnydale, which was the norm for the small suburb in California. Scanning the street from his perch, he looked both for her and for any trouble. He heard something coming from her room and he turned back to the window. Buffy was standing in front of her closet in only a towel.

He went to tap on the window when she dropped said towel and stood in front of the mirror mounted on the inside of the closet door. He knew immediately he should leave or at least turn his head, but this was his goddess, his forbidden fruit, and he was not strong enough of a man for that.

He watched as she turned one way, then the other, examining her body in the mirror. She then did something very odd, pushing her stomach out as far as she could and arching forward. It almost looked as though she were seeing what she would look like if she were pregnant. He frowned, shifting uncomfortably because of the tightness of his pants over his arousal. As she slipped on a extra large T-shirt, he jumped off the roof to take a walk and calm down before he talked to her.

Buffy sighed and sat down at her desk, tucking one leg under her as she pulled out her diary and a pen. Tucking her damp hair behind her ear, she uncapped the pen and flipped to a blank page.

Monday, April 12, 1999

My life is a soap opera. I fall in love, we make love, he becomes a psycho, I kill him, he returns from the dead, I still love him, his ‘childe' comes back and we have sex, now I'm pregnant. I think I saw this episode on All My Children.

Pregnant. With child. Expecting. Simple words that mean life changing events. And it's happening to me. God, I don't know how I feel about this. I just confirmed that I was pregnant by the second test this weekend, and it's been over two months since my last period, over two months since Spike...

I feel like I'm in a dream and any moment I'll wake up. But will I be relieved or disappointed if it is a dream? One minute, I'm like wow, a baby. The next, I want it to not be true, for it to just disappear and that maybe if I wish hard enough, the baby will be magickally gone. Back and forth, back and forth. I don't like it.

But when it's quiet, when I'm looking down at my not-yet-swollen abdomen, my heart swells with love and pride and tenderness. I touch myself and I can almost feel the baby growing in me. My baby. Spike's baby.

Spike. What am I going to do about him? He doesn't even know we had sex, let alone that I got pregnant. And it was only one time. That's all it took. I can't believe my mother was right. She's going to have major ‘I told you so' syndrome when I tell her. If I tell her. Maybe I'll just get an abortion. God, what am I going to do? I am so confused.

I wonder if there have ever been any pregnant Slayers before. I know they usually die young, but maybe, just once, one of my predecessors had a child. What did she do? Did she still slay while pregnant? Did it make her fight harder or make her weaker? I could find this information out if I ask, but not Wesley. Definitely not Wesley. Giles would know, but would he be disappointed in me? Would he look at me like he did when he found I didn't tell him Angel had returned? It hurt so much. Giles means everything to me, just like my mom. I don't think I'd survive without him and not just because he was my Watcher.

I am so screwed up. I'm glad I haven't been sick, yet. I've heard that morning sickness is a bitch. I am so not looking forward to that. Luckily, I won't start showing until after I graduate. Can you imagine the looks I'd get at school? They think I'm freaky enough as it is.

God, I'm only eighteen. I have no job, no job skills, no money. I couldn't live off my mom forever. And what about college? I got those awesome SAT scores letting me choose anywhere I want to go to school and do something other than just be the Slayer. Plus, I can get all sorts of scholarships, too. My mom works too hard as it is to support us, I don't want to disappoint her. I am going to disappoint her anyway when I tell her, just like Giles and dad and my friends and Wesley (although I don't care too much about his opinion).

Angel. What about him? He's going to be so hurt. We both know we can no longer be together, but still, for me to get pregnant now of all times? That's like saying I was lying when I told him I still loved him. But he's the one who would support me no matter what decision I made, he would be the one to tell me what to do. What should I do, Angel?

Tap, tap, tap.

Buffy up from her writing and over at the window to see Angel crouching there. "Speak of the devil," she said to herself as she closed her diary and went to open the window. "Hi."

"Hi," Angel greeted, entering the bedroom. He studied her sad face and reached his hand out to brush a stray hair behind her ear. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Angel," Buffy said, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest. "I don't know what to do." She began to cry.

"Shh," he comforted, holding her. "Whatever it is, I'll help you. You know that."

Buffy forced herself to calm down and stepped away from him, wiping the tears from her face. "You better sit down," she told him.

Dread settled over him as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. "What is it, Buffy?"

She took a deep, shaky breath, looking at a spot on the floor. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh," Angel said, feeling as though someone punched him in the gut. "Are you sure?"

Buffy chuckled harshly. "I'm sure."

"Who's the father?"

"It's...some guy. One night stand," she partially lied, deciding not to tell him. And it was only one night. "Faith's influence."

Angel nodded, not sure if he believed her or not. But he had seen how she had acted before the Deputy Mayor had been killed, so it was a possibility. "Have you told your mother, yet?"

"No, you're the first," Buffy replied. "I don't know if I want to tell her or not. Or even if I want to have the baby. Is that wrong? God, I wish this was all just a nightmare and I would wake up already."

"You have to tell her, Buffy," Angel said, grabbing her hand and pulling her over to him. He pick up the other hand and held both loosely in his. "Rupert, too."

"But..."

"Buffy, if you do or don't decide to have the baby, you're going to need their support," he told her. "You'll always have mine."

"Thanks," she said, giving him a depressed smile. "I really needed to hear that."

"Why don't you go tell your mom and I'll wait here for you," Angel suggested.

"Can't. She went down to LA to pick up a new shipment and to check on Spike," Buffy replied. *Spike. Spike's baby. Ugh. What am I going to do?*

"Then we'll go tell Rupert," he said, standing.

Buffy looked at him pleadingly, but she knew he wouldn't budge. With a heavy sigh, she slid on a pair of jeans under the shirt she was wearing. "I so am not looking forward to this."

"If it's any consolation, you aren't the first Slayer who's been pregnant," he told her.

"Really? I was wondering about that," she said, putting on her shoes. "What happened with her?"

"The ones that I know about...died before they could deliver or lost the baby," Angel answered her quietly.

"Oh," Buffy replied, a horrible feeling of pain and sadness in her heart. She put her hand over her abdomen protectively while a voice in the back of her mind screamed NO!

"Ready?"

She nodded and followed him out of the house. They walked in silence down the tree lined streets as they headed for Giles' house. Buffy's mind was racing with what Angel had told her and the feelings the news evoked. As they walked down the stairs to her former Watcher's front door, she realized that she didn't want to lose the baby. She wanted it to be her choice, a choice that was already leaning towards her having the child.

Angel knocked on the door, then went to stand behind the Slayer. Giles opened the door, one of his many books in hand and gave them both a puzzled and worried look. "What's wrong?"

"Can we come in?" Buffy asked.

"Of-of course," Giles replied, stepping aside to let them pass. Angel stayed off to one side as Buffy nervously wrung her hands as she stood in front of the couch. He looked first at the vampire, then at Buffy, noting their tense expressions.

"Giles, I'm pregnant," Buffy suddenly blurt out. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to get pregnant. It was an accident. One time. And now I'm pregnant. With a baby."

"I would assume with a-a baby," Giles said, not believing his ears. He looked over at Angel again, who nodded in affirmation. "Is-is-is-do-do you know the father?"

"I do, but he doesn't know," she replied, sinking down onto the couch. "I can't believe this."

"I am leaning towards the unbelievable, as well," Giles told her, removing his glasses to rub his eyes.

"Do you hate me?"

"Do I what?" Giles asked, giving her an incredulous look. "Buffy, I could never hate you. This is-is a bit of discerning news, but you have my unequivocal support. You are not the first Slayer to become, er...preg-pregnant."

"That's what Angel said," Buffy replied. "He also said that those girls died or the baby died."

"W-Well, yes," he stammered. "But you are the most unconventional Slayer recorded. You have a support system that none of the others had, plus there are two Slayers now. Although Faith is-is not overly reliable. But I have no doubt that if you decided to have the child, you would."

"Thanks, Giles," Buffy said, standing and giving him a rare hug. "So, what do I do now?"

"That is up to you, Buffy," Giles said. "You must first decide if you are going to have the baby, then we will adjust your duties as necessary."

"What about Wesley?"

"Don't worry about that pil-...him," he replied. "Watcher training does include the issue of pregnancy."

"Ok," she said. "Well, I guess I'll go back home now. I have lots of thinking to do."

"I will see you at school tomorrow," Giles said, escorting the former couple to the door.

"‘Night, Giles," she said as they left.

A short while later, Angel dropped her at her house, then went on his way. The Slayer went up to her room and laid on her bed, her arms wrapped protectively around her. "What am I going to do?"

Angel crouched in front of the fireplace at the mansion, staring sightlessly into the flames. He still couldn't comprehend the fact that Buffy was pregnant. His Buffy. And he didn't even know by who, so that he could go out and pummel him for touching her.

He knew that his thoughts were irrational seeing as he was the one who insisted she'd move on. He just hadn't expected her to move on so soon. It hurt. A lot. He felt as though his heart was being torn into little pieces by a demon's claw.

Now his job of protecting her was going to become tenfold, for he was not only protecting the woman he loved, but her child as well. Angel had no doubt she would have the baby. She had learned how short life was and wanted to experience everything before she died, including being a mother, whether she realized it yet or not. He also knew that if she died, all her friends, including him, would ensure that her child would be loved and protected and knew how truly wonderful his or her mom had been.

Angel sighed and stood, heading for his bedroom. His thoughts turned to the father of Buffy's child once more. *As long as it isn't Xander....*