Paycheck: Part 5

It took him a few blocks but he finally caught up to her. Fortunately she hadn't decided to run or it would have been a lost cause. He grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Buffy."

"They're wrong? They're wrong?"

Giles almost took a step backwards at the look in her eyes. "Buffy."

Buffy stepped closer to him and she practically hissed at him. "You made it sound like I mean nothing to you."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?"

"I don't even understand what we're arguing about. Are you angry that I'm not letting those girls prod me into acting out their little fantasy? They're delusional. They think we've been having a sordid little affair for years."

"You don't have to make it sound so incredibly unappealing."

Giles handed her the box with the éclair in it and he took out his handkerchief. Taking off his glasses he began to polish them. Putting them back on he looked across the street. "Let's sit."

"I thought you wanted to walk."

He sent her a warning glare. "Buffy, please."

Frowning and then shrugging she followed him across the street. They sat, inches apart, on a bench on the edge of a park. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay, we're sitting."

Giles set the éclair box down. He turned on the bench so he was facing her. She sat there, facing forwards, not looking at him. Giles cast his eyes on her profile, her set lips, her chin jutting out. Giles let out a long breath and then he spoke, wanting so much to heal this breach between them, especially after the day they'd had, how much they’d reconnected. "Buffy, there is no one in the world I care about the way I care about you."

She almost looked at him but she resisted. Buffy didn't understand why her heart felt so raw and why Giles' words, while sweet, weren't the words she wanted to hear.

Giles inched a little closer to her. He wanted to take a hold of one of her hands, but they were tucked snugly under her arms. "Buffy, what can I say? Somehow I've hurt you but I didn't mean to. This has all been a massive misunderstanding."

She still wouldn't look at him. And now her chin was wobbling a little and her lips were pressed even more tightly together.

Giles sighed. Then he let out a curse. "Bloody hell." Trusting his heart, despite how nervous it made him feel, he reached out and pulled Buffy, crossed arms and all, into his arms, holding her tightly. He whispered in her ear. "Don't be cross with me anymore. I can't bear it."

It took Buffy about five seconds to lose her will to fight him. Her arms uncrossed and they snaked behind him, pulling him close. They sat there like that, both thankful for the reprieve. Buffy pushed away for a second and looked up at him.

He looked down at her, her eyes were huge and still sparkling with unshed tears. She looked so beautiful to him. Buffy's chin rose a little, her face moving closer to his. Giles lowered his face a fraction and they found themselves so close to each other they could feel the other's breath. Buffy licked her lips and with a soft groan Giles found himself kissing her.

His lips were so soft, and so warm, and Buffy felt a jolt of liquid wanting shoot through her. She met his groan with one of her own and she touched his lips with her tongue. Giles accepted her invitation and opened his mouth, meeting her tongue with his own. Buffy ran her hand through his hair, and Giles groaned again at the touch, slanting his head to more fully capture her lips, wanting to taste her, to leave no part of her mouth unexplored by his lips, and teeth, and tongue.

After a minute, the rational side of Giles' brain started to assert itself. He pulled back, a look of concern on his face. "Buffy, we have to stop."

She tried to pull him back to her. "Why?"

He inched away from her. "This feeling, it can't be trusted."

She glanced at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"It's been a confusing day. We've had too many unsettling conversations. Our emotions are running high. This isn't right."

Buffy covered her face with her hands and let out a frustrated noise. When she spoke her voice was muffled. "Why isn't this right?"

"Buffy, I'm your Watcher."

She shook her head, her face still covered. Then she pulled her hands away and she stared at him sadly. "No, you're not. You left. You're not my anything."

"That's not true."

"Then what are you? What are you to me? What am I to you?"

Giles just stared at her, trying to figure out how to answer her questions. All he really wanted to do was kiss her again. He stood to avoid the temptation.

Buffy stood and put her hands on his chest. Giles looked away, wanting to look anywhere but at her eyes, at her lips. She persisted in her questioning. "If I died tomorrow, how would you feel?"

He looked at her then, his eyes fierce. "Don't even suggest that. You're not going to die; I'll not allow it. I couldn't bear to go through that again."

"Why? What did you feel?"

"Like I'd lost everything." He pulled her to his chest, cradling the back of her head in one of his hands. "I felt like I lost everything."

"And when you found out I was alive again?"

He let out a long breath. "I felt as if I got it back."

"So, why'd you leave? If I was your everything, why did you leave?"

The answer was out of his mouth before he could think better of it. "Because I wasn't your everything. You didn't even know I was alive, other than as a convenience for you." He let her go and moved away. "It wasn't right of me to have such expectations of you. You'd just gone through something horrific. The last thing you needed was for me to need you so desperately. Be one more thing you had to take care of." He let out a sad laugh. "So I left."

"I don’t understand. Were you in love with me?"

Giles shook his head. "No, I just needed you. I needed you so much it frightened me." Giles put his hands in his pockets and stretched out his shoulders. "I've always loved you." He gave her a small smile. "Almost right from the start. You were so alive. Then through the years we went through so much together. And even though there were times when we grew apart we were always drawn back together. Two halves of a whole." Giles' shoe scuffed at a clump of grass. "But, I suppose the old adage is true, you don't really appreciate something until it's gone. Because when you died you took a piece of me away with you, and my life suddenly seemed barren." Giles' eyes grew dark as he remembered the pain of those months and he turned away.

Buffy watched him, saw the pain on his face and her own heart clenched in her breast. "I'm sorry, Giles. I guess I was so lost in my misery that I never even thought about how hard it had been on everyone, on you."

"I don't want you to apologize, Buffy. You've done nothing wrong."

Buffy was still dismayed at the pain on his face. “Did you get it back, that piece of you? Did you get it back?”

Giles shook his head. “No. No, I don’t think I did. And that’s not your fault. I had such expectations when I heard you were alive. But you came back so wounded, with parts of yourself missing, you were hardly in a position to fill the empty hole inside of me.”

She moved back to him, as close as she could get, lifting up on her toes and pressing her lips against his, just for a moment. “Let me fill it now. Let me make it better.”

Giles smiled softly at her but he shook his head. "With a kiss? With a night or a few nights of making love? I don’t think it will make it better. In fact, I’m afraid it will make it worse."

"What do you mean? I want to be with you. I felt the same way when you left, like you took a part of me with you. I missed you more than I thought I could ever miss anyone. I missed you more than I did when Angel left me."

Giles cupped the side of her face with one of his hands. "Thank you for that. I missed you too. But, this would change everything. Once you got back home, whether I was with you or not, you’d get distracted and turn away again, leaving an even bigger hole in me than the one I have now. I can’t do this and not have you meet me half way. I can’t give my love to you that way, fall in love with you, touch you, and have it be a one-way street. I’m not that strong. Please don’t ask it of me."

Buffy stared at him for a long time, seeing him with new eyes. Seeing the man, seeing the depth of him, the emotions, and the vulnerability. Sides of him that he’d done his best to keep hidden from her, or that she’d been too blind to see. She remembered that kiss, the gentleness of it, the passion that almost took her breath away, and she knew she wanted more of it. Wanted a lifetime of it. Buffy realized that while she might be able to barge into his home here and demand his paycheck, it wasn’t going to work with his heart. So, trusting some inner woman’s wisdom that she had never felt before she backed down and moved away from him. "Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll stop pushing." But even as she stepped away, Buffy was determined that by the end of this week Giles would be going home with her, and he’d be hers, in every way.

Giles was both relieved and disappointed. He too remembered the kiss and what she’d felt like in his arms. But she’d done as he’d asked, so he smiled at her. "Thank you." Holding out his hand he offered it to her and she laced her fingers through his. Hand in hand, they walked back to his flat.

***

Giles needed to do some work so Buffy went shopping the next day. She extracted a promise from him for another night out on the town, kissed him on the cheek and headed out. Now that she knew she’d be getting some money on a regular basis Buffy decided that she could put a few more charges on her credit card. She needed some clothes. Clothes that would make Giles look, and then take a second look. Clothes that were sexy but not too obvious.

By the end of the day she felt pleased with her purchases, even though she’d gotten a little carried away. Buffy couldn’t even remember the last time she’d gone shopping and the majority of her clothes had disappeared when she died. Wending her way back to Giles’ home she realized how much it felt like her home, because he was there. Despite the pain she’d been in, in Sunnydale, and despite the distance Giles had perceived between them, she had loved having him live in her house. Loved having him around.

She let herself in and smiled when Giles didn’t even notice her. He was too engrossed in his research, a pile of books open in front of him on the coffee table, others surrounding him on the floor. His hair was rumpled, as if he had run his hands through it dozens of times during the day. There was a tray nestled amongst the books with a half eaten sandwich and an empty teacup.

Buffy softly shut the door and dropped her bags to the floor. Moving quietly she entered the kitchen and began brewing him a fresh pot of tea. The intimacy of the scene pleased her and she felt calmer and more at peace than she had for as long as she could remember. Before Glory, before her mom died. She opened the cupboard and lifted out two cups. She let go of the cupboard door and it closed with a slam. Buffy winced and then heard his voice. "Buffy?"

She poked her head around the corner. "Yup, it’s me."

"Good heavens, when did you get back?"

"Just now. I thought I’d make us some tea."

"I didn’t even notice you." He looked chagrined at that.

Buffy grinned. "I know. You were deep into research mode." Her smile grew a little sad. "I’ve missed that."

“I can’t imagine why. You used to tease me mercilessly about it. You all did. A textbook with arms was one of your more colorful phrases.”

Buffy frowned. “That was when I first met you. You’ve sort of grown on me since then.”

Giles smiled. “Did you have a nice day?”

“Yeah, it was great. I shopped mostly.” Her eyes moved to the bags.

Giles’ eyes widened. “So I see.”

Buffy looked a little concerned. “I think I may have spent a little too much money. I kept forgetting whether the fact that British Pounds converts to more US Dollars is a good thing or a bad thing.”

Giles looked at all the bags and scowled. “Well, seeing as how I’m probably going to end up paying for all of this, and you probably paid with American money, let’s just say it’s a very bad thing and leave it at that.”

Buffy wasn’t sure Giles would appreciate her laughing so she bit her lips and went back into the kitchen to finish making the tea. She called to him from in there. "When are we going out? I’m starved."

Giles looked at his watch and looked startled. “Good Lord. We don’t have much time. I made reservations for 7:00.” He pointed towards the bathroom. Do you want to get ready first?”

Buffy nodded. Poking through her bags she picked up a couple of them and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Giles decided to take one last look at the book on his lap and he lost track of time until he heard the bathroom door open. He looked up distractedly, and only by sheer force of will did he keep his jaw from hitting the table. Giles knew he was in serious trouble. It was a conservative black dress on one hand, high necked and falling almost to her ankles, but somehow it hit every curve just right. She’d put up her hair and she looked good enough to eat. Giles stood, the forgotten book on his lap falling to the floor. He didn’t even notice.

Buffy looked down at herself, a little nervous at his lack of speech. "Do I look all right? You said it was a little fancier than last night so I thought…"

Giles realized he needed to speak. "You look wonderful." Then he looked down at his own outfit. He had just been thinking about throwing on a clean sweater, but clearly that wouldn’t do now. "I need to change. I’ll just be a few minutes."

Buffy nodded and walked by him to sit on the couch. He could smell her perfume. Suppressing a groan he walked into the bedroom and shut the door. Giles decided he needed to shave again. Then he threw on a little after-shave. After standing in front of his wardrobe for what seemed like forever he realized what he was feeling. He was filled with a sense of nervous anticipation. It had been a long time, but he felt like he was getting ready for a date.

Giles let out a long breath and tried to remember that it was Buffy. Someone he’d known for years, had known since she was little more than a child. But what he mostly remembered was how she looked in that dress, and how her lips had felt against his last night. Annoyed with himself he finally chose a dark charcoal gray suit with a blue dress shirt and a blue and gray tie. Checking out his appearance in the mirror he tried to push the nervous anticipation aside. Letting out a sigh at his foolishness he opened the bedroom door.

Buffy stood when she saw him. "Wow. You look good."

He smiled shyly. "Well, as I said, you look quite wonderful." Buffy smoothed her dress down, drawing Giles’ eyes to the curve of her hip. Sighing again, Giles picked up his wallet and slid it into his back pocket. "You ready to go?"

Buffy nodded. “Are we walking again?”

Giles noticed her shoes. Black high heels, very high. "Is that all right? We could get a taxi."

"No, I’d rather walk."

Giles opened the door to the flat and with a hand to the small of her back he escorted Buffy out. When they reached the sidewalk he held out his arm and she wrapped her own around it and with a soft smile at him she settled in at his side.

***

Dinner was lovely and so was the long walk they took afterwards, roaming around Bath. Giles was falling fast and it terrified him. A part of him wanted to hail a taxi, take Buffy to the airport, and throw her on the first plane back to California before it was too late, before he lost his heart entirely. The other part of his heart couldn’t imagine ever being away from her again.

If he had felt that she was trying to push him, or was being manipulative, he’d have been able to fight it, get annoyed with her, be better able to listen to that voice inside of himself that was sure he was heading towards a painful derailment. But she wasn’t. She was being charming company and being respectful of his wishes. Anytime a hint of sexual tension grew between them she’d step away, or change the subject. She didn’t touch him anymore than what was appropriate.

What she was doing was worse. She was treating him like he was an attractive, interesting man; one that she cared about and loved and he found it irresistible. Buffy had never treated him like this. As if she had finally realized that there was a man behind the Watcher. It was making him see the woman she had become, or was becoming right in front of his eyes, in response to him. And it was a heady feeling.

But she was still Buffy and that made her even more alluring, because he had loved her for so long, and knew her so well. She still harassed him when he became too long winded, and she teased him about his vocabulary while she continued to butcher hers. She knew his weaknesses and eccentricities and poked fun at him, as she always had. But it was different now, and they both knew it.

As they headed back to Giles’ flat, her arm again tucked through his, they passed the park that was close to where he lived. Suddenly Giles remembered the erotic dreams he’d had about Buffy, and that this park was one of the places they’d had sex. Giles could feel himself growing hard thinking about it and he was mortified. Her body kept brushing against his, her hip against his leg, her breast against his arm. It was all he could do to not pull her into his arms and kiss her, pushing her down onto the grass and lifting up the skirt of her dress so he could feel her softness, smell her, taste her.

Giles let go of her and moved a few steps away. He buttoned his suit jacket, in hopes that it would hide his erection. Buffy looked at him, concerned. “What’s the matter? Are you all right?” Taking in his tense demeanor she looked around. “Is it vampires?”

Giles let out a short laugh. “No, no vampires.” He turned away from her, as looking at her wasn’t helping. “I’m just a little tired.”

Buffy stared at his profile for a minute, not understanding what was going on. She walked over to him and put her hand on his arm. He tensed; she could feel his muscle bunch under her fingers. And then she thought that maybe she did understand. Obeying her new instincts that were still telling her not to push she pulled her hand away. “Let’s call it a night then. I’m tired too.”

Giles smiled at her, relieved. “Yes, well, we’re right around the corner.” Without touching her, he gestured for her to walk. Walking, a few inches of distance between them, they arrived at his flat and he opened the door to let them both in. Giles shut the door and headed for his bedroom. He turned around to wish Buffy a good night and found her immediately behind him. Her gaze momentarily captured him, and his head lowered a bit, the desire to kiss her overwhelming.

Buffy saw his head lower and she tried to stay still, tried not to do anything that might scare him away. There were so many butterflies in her stomach she could barely stay standing upright. Giles barely touched her lips, just the lightest of brushes. Then he let out a groan and pulled back. He kissed her on the cheek and lightly touched the other cheek with his fingers. “Good night, Buffy. I had a lovely time this evening.”

Buffy swallowed her sigh of disappointment. “Me, too.” She walked to the couch, disengaging.

Giles almost wished she’d take the offensive, grab him and kiss him senseless. Letting out another half laugh at his own confusion he went into his bedroom.

Buffy flopped down on the couch and finally let out the disappointed sigh she’d held back. She mentally counted the days she had until she had to leave and hoped it would be enough time.

End of Part 5