Paycheck: Part 3

Buffy and Giles didn’t say a word to each other. Buffy sat on the couch. Giles moved into the small kitchen and began to make some tea, as his was currently growing cold for the second day in a row down in the café. He slammed things around for a couple of minutes and then he took a deep breath. Turning around he spoke to Buffy. “Would you like some tea?”

Buffy was surprised when that request almost made her cry. She’d missed it more than she had realized. “Yes, please.” Her voice was shaky. She covered her face with her hands.

Giles watched her and his anger and annoyance vanished. He left his teakettle and moved to sit across from her on the coffee table. She glanced up at him and he grinned ruefully. “Despite its rocky beginning, I’m awfully glad to see you.”

Buffy let out a cry and threw herself in Giles’ arms. “God, I’ve missed you so much.”

Giles held her tightly, his jaw resting on her shoulder. “I missed you too. So very much.” The teakettle started to whistle and Giles reluctantly pulled back, staring at her for just a moment before getting up to make the tea.

Happier for the moment, Buffy enjoyed the rare pleasure of watching Giles as he made them tea. As he started putting things on a tray she took a moment and looked around. She noticed a couple of birthday cards sitting on the fireplace mantel. “Oh, happy birthday by the way.”

Giles smiled. “Thank you. Your arrival certainly is making it one of my nicer ones.”

Buffy dug into her bag and brought out Anya’s gift and card. As she retrieved it she saw Giles’ paycheck and annoyance swept through her. “Here, let me give you this before I get all angry again. It’s from Anya.”

Giles set the tray down and looked at her, surprised. “Angry? Why would you be angry at me?”

Buffy shot him an incredulous look. “Guess.”

He pointed outside. “You can’t actually be annoyed about those two…two…girls.”

Buffy scowled. “No…yes.” She let out a noise of frustration. “It doesn’t matter. That’s not why I’m angry.”

“Then why?” Another incredulous look from Buffy. Giles’ eyes widened as he figured it out. “Ah, me leaving. I gather you haven’t quite reconciled yourself to that.”

Buffy glared at him. “Reconciled? Reconciled? You left me. I was falling apart and you left me.” She stood and started pacing. “And what does that mean anyway? Does that mean that you’re reconciled to being away from me?” Her voice got a little shaky. “Did I mean that little to you?”

Giles looked horrified. “No, no, of course not. You meant the world to me.” He looked away from her and then noticed the tea, sitting there, unattended. Grateful for the distraction, he began pouring the tea. “You still do.”

Buffy just sat there, filled with conflicting emotions. She watched as Giles poured a little cream in her tea and handed her the cup. She held it in both hands, enjoying the warmth.

Giles finally looked at her. “So, why exactly are you here? I find it hard to believe that you came all this way to simply wish me a happy birthday and tell me that you're angry with me. There are plenty of cards out there that are available for purchase that could convey either of those messages.”

At the mention of birthdays and birthday cards, Buffy scowled. “Speaking of birthdays…”

Giles winced. “Oh God, Buffy. I’m sorry. I know I missed your birthday. I’m so bad at that sort of thing, remembering to post parcels.”

“You couldn’t have called?”

“I…” Giles ran his hand over the lower half of his face. “I…I didn’t know what to say.”

“How about Happy Birthday? Two words.” She held up two fingers and wiggled them at him. “Two.”

Giles let out a sigh. “It wouldn’t have been that simple, you know that.” He took a sip of his tea. “I did buy you something.”

Buffy’s eyes lit up, even though she tried hard to look like she didn’t care. “That was big of you. Would I have ever seen it if I hadn’t shown up on your doorstep?”

Giles looked at her ruefully. “I don’t know.”

They both sat there for a minute until Buffy let out an exasperated sound. “Well, go get it.”

“Oh, right.” Giles put his tea down and headed down the hallway. He came back with a box, wrapped with brightly colored paper covered with shooting stars, a lavish bow, and a small stuffed fabric star dangling from the bow. He handed it to her.

“It’s wrapped.” Somehow she hadn’t expected that. She’d expected to be handed something in a brown paper bag.

Giles smiled ruefully. “I had them wrap it there.” He gestured at the paper. “It reminded me of you.” He wasn’t being quite honest. The paper reminded him of how Buffy used to be, before her unappreciated rise from the dead.

Buffy fingered the fabric star, reluctant to open the present, afraid she wouldn’t like it, wanting so much to love it. “What is it?”

Giles rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to tell you. You need to open it.” He watched her. “If you don’t like it, we can return it and get you something you do like.” He looked shy for a moment. “I thought of you when I saw it. I didn’t know if I’d even see you again but I had to buy it.”

Buffy gestured at Giles’ gift. “Open Anya’s first.”

“All right.” Giles unwrapped the gift and chuckled. “The ever practical when it comes to money.” He held up the book for Buffy to see. It was a book on how to invest one’s money wisely. “I think she’s afraid that I’ll go bankrupt and drag her down with me.”

That reminded Buffy. Putting her gift aside for the moment she yanked out his paycheck. “Somehow I don’t see you going bankrupt.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Giles furrowed his brow. “What is that?”

“Your paycheck.”

“My paycheck? Why do you have my paycheck?” He looked at it and his gaze darkened. “And why is it open?”

She interrupted him. “I opened it.”

“What gave you the right to open my personal mail? Why did you open it?”

“Because I couldn’t believe that you got a paycheck for sitting around in this apartment in your slacker clothes doing nothing while I have to worry about my house going into foreclosure, and putting my life on the line every night.”

Giles put his teacup down and glared at her. “I am not doing nothing.” He gestured around the room. “I am researching. The Council has given me several projects to work on.”

Buffy snorted. “Oh, and imagine the paper cuts, the pain, the horror.” She stood and started to pace, waving his paycheck in the air. “You’re like a kazillionaire. How can they pay you so much and not pay me anything?”

“I’m a what?”

She waved the paycheck in his face. “You get paid like a million dollars a year.”

Giles’ eyebrows rose high on his face and he let out an astonished laugh. “Buffy, did you even look at that check?”

She shot him a defiant look. “Duh, holding it in my hand. You multiply this amount by 52 weeks and it’s a bunch of money.”

Giles let out a long breath. “I get a check like that once a quarter.” He clarified. “Four times a year.”

Buffy stopped moving and looked at it, doing the math in her head. “Oh.” She paused. “Oh.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “It’s still a lot of money. A lot more than I’ll ever make at the Double Meat Palace.”

“I gave you quite a bit of money, Buffy.”

“It’s almost gone. Living’s expensive. Dawn’s expensive. My paycheck barely buys groceries.” She scowled at him. “Plus I quit my job to come here.”

“You left your job?”

“I hated it. It was a stupid job and it wasn't enough to pay the bills. My job is being the Slayer. I should get paid for that. What am I supposed to do when I run out of money? Live on the streets? Get me and Dawn cardboard boxes?”

“I expected that you would call me.”

“What, and just keep begging you for money? Wouldn’t that do wonders for my ego. Besides, why should I think you would give me more money when you couldn’t stand to even be around me?”

Giles protested. “My leaving had nothing to do with not being able to stand you, Buffy. You needed to deal with your life.”

Buffy glared at him. “Being the Watcher again? Trying to prepare me? Trying to prepare me for people who let me down, and won’t stay around and support me when I’m struggling with the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through? Prepare me for being the single mother of a teenager when I’m 21? Prepare me for bankruptcy and a life of minimum wage jobs? Prepare me for the fact that the only thing I do well is slaying which I don’t get paid for and which will continue to kill me until I finally get to stay dead?”

Giles stared at her, speechless. Which was just as well as Buffy was on a roll. “Spike treated me better than you.” At his glare she continued. “Yeah, let’s just get this done with. I slept with Spike. I had sex with him, everywhere. And I know it was sick and twisted but it was what I needed. It was the only thing that made me feel alive. And Spike stuck around. And in his own way he loves me.”

Giles closed his eyes. “He’s a vampire, Buffy, without a soul.”

Buffy shook her head. “You don’t have the right to tell me what to do. Not anymore. Not since you left. If you were still living with me in Sunnydale then you could have said something. You could have frowned at me and said that you didn’t think it was a good idea. Then I could have talked to you, and asked you to hold me, to help me feel like I was alive, that I was human, and that someone cared about me.” Her voice was getting tight, as she had force the words past the lump in her throat. “But you weren’t there. And Spike was all I had.” Buffy turned her head, not wanting Giles to see the tears in her eyes.

“You had the others, and Dawn, and me. You could have called me.”

“I could have called you? When you didn’t even bother to call me and wish me a happy birthday? And who else did I have? Willow’s in magic withdrawal, Tara’s moved out. Xander and Anya are totally distracted with the wedding. Dawn hates me most of the time. So, who exactly did I have?” She brushed her tears away angrily. “You’re who I should have had, but you left.”

Giles hesitated for a second but her words gave him the courage to push past his reserve to meet her need. He stood and reaching out to Buffy, pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. Buffy resisted at first but then she relaxed into the hug, letting out a long breath. Finally she spoke, her voice muffled against his chest. “See, I could have used some of this.”

Giles laughed softly. He pushed her away, just a little, and looked down at her face, smiling sadly. “I tried, Buffy. I wanted to hug you, all the time. I needed it. I needed to touch you, to help me believe you were actually alive. But you didn’t let me. You pushed me away. You ran to Angel, and to Spike. And I don't believe you would have listened to me. You’d have probably slept with Spike even if I were there. You were determined to do anything you could to destroy your life, what you thought was left of it.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, realizing something for the first time. “You cut your hair.”

She reached up and touched her shortened tresses. “I know.”

He looked at her. “You don’t like it?”

“I don’t know.”

He tilted his head at her. “I used to like your hair this length. But you did something different with it.” He kept looking at her, pushing her a little further away. He lifted his hands and ran his fingers through her hair, holding it away from her face. “You curled it, or did something to make it fuller, or…” Giles suddenly realized how intimately he was touching her and he dropped his hands and stepped away, embarrassed.

Buffy couldn’t keep the grin off her face. “Now you’re my hairdresser?”

Giles blushed. “I’m sorry, I… I just meant to convey to you that I like your hair this length.” Giles sat down and picked up his teacup again.

Buffy watched him for a minute, sorry that he had moved away, that he had stopped being so near her. Finally she sat too. She picked up one of the threads of conversation. “You wanted to hug me? Where was I during all of that?”

Giles let out a sad laugh. “Somewhere else. Somewhere sad and lost.” His lips tightened. “I’m sorry you don’t think I have the right anymore, but I have to say it anyway. Spike is not what you need.”

“I know. I get that now. I broke it off before I came here. But he was what I needed. He was good for me in a weird horrible sort of way.” She glared at Giles. “So, no staking him.”

Giles let out a breath. “How did you work it out? What happened?”

Buffy waved the paycheck, still clutched in her hand. “This.”

Giles’ eyebrows rose. “My paycheck? My paycheck was the reason you broke up with Spike?”

Buffy grinned at the look on his face. “I know, pretty weird.”

Giles took another sip of tea and grimaced as the lukewarm liquid hit his lips. He poured some more hot tea in his cup to warm it up. “How exactly did my paycheck do that?” He held out his hand. “I’ll take that, by the way.”

Buffy clasped the check to her breast. “No way, Jose.”

Giles sighed and sat back in his chair. “Well at least entertain me with stories about it.”

Buffy grinned again. “Okay.” She stood up and began to pace, needing the movement to help marshal her thoughts. “It was like this. I found out you were getting a paycheck and it suddenly seemed as if there was no justice in the world. Here you were, abandoning me, and getting paid for it. It made me crazy.” She stopped and glared at Giles. “Cra-zy.” Buffy started pacing again. “I thought about how much my life sucked, how I had this stupid job, my only family member was stuck in constant sulk mode, and my boyfriend was a blood sucking wannabe, and I hated it.”

She brandished the paycheck at him. “But this, this was the last straw. And I suddenly realized that this, I could fix. This I could control. I could come here and tell you that I deserved some of this money. And I wasn’t going to leave until you agreed with me. Until you gave me what I deserved, what was owed me for being the Slayer. So, I went to see Spike to tell him that I was leaving, and I realized that I could control that too. So, I broke up with him.”

Buffy’s pacing grew faster. “And suddenly I realized that I can do this. I can make my life what it needs to be. I don’t have to sit around waiting for the world to give me a handout, hoping it will cut me some slack; I can make it give it to me. I can make it what I want. It’s my life, and I deserve for it not to suck. So, it’s not going to anymore.” She stared at Giles, her expression defiant, daring him to refute her. Buffy was a little taken aback when she saw that he was grinning at her. “What are you grinning at?”

“You. Listen to yourself.” Giles pointed at her gift, lying askew at Buffy’s side, still wrapped. “I told you that paper reminded me of you, and it does. The way you used to be, before Glory, before this spell that brought you back. You were like a shooting star, bright and powerful. Nothing was going to stop you, you met everything life threw at you with inexhaustible energy and you constantly amazed me.” He moved to the edge of his chair. “Just now, you were that Buffy again.”

Buffy considered his words. “Yeah?”

Giles nodded. “Yes.”

Buffy pursed her lips. “I feel sort of like that Buffy.” She grinned. “It feels sort of good.”

Giles smiled back at her, his eyes shining. “It’s lovely to watch. It always was.”

Buffy smiled in return but then shot him a look. “That’s not getting you off the hook, mister. You still owe me.”

Giles let out a soft chuckle. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

“Really?”

Giles nodded. “Really. You’re right; you do deserve to get paid for what you do. You shouldn’t have to do an ordinary job as well. Sooner or later you’d lose it anyway, when you next have to deal with something particularly evil that comes along.”

Buffy looked at Giles. She should have been elated about his words, but somehow they were falling flat. It reminded her that she wanted something else too, that she actually wanted it more than the money. “Giles...”

Giles interrupted her. “Open your present.”

Buffy allowed the momentary distraction and picked up the gift. She shook it. Giles rolled his eyes at her but didn’t say anything, waiting for her to open it. Finally she started unwrapping it. Buffy opened the tissue paper with some trepidation and then she let out a gasp. “It’s beautiful.” She lifted out a sweater, in a soft shade of pink, the stitches intricate and delicate. Buffy rubbed it against her face. “It’s so soft.”

“You like it?”

Buffy let out a sigh, and kept it pressed against her face. “I love it.” She felt near to tears again. “It’s so beautiful.” Buffy turned her face to Giles, her eyes bright. “Thank you.”

Giles smiled softly at her. “You’re welcome. I’m only sorry I didn’t post it so you received it in time for your birthday.”

She shook her head. “It’s better this way, with you here.” Tears threatened to overflow.

Giles got up and sat by her, drawn by her tears. “I’m glad.”

Buffy looked up at him. “Do you still feel like hugging me all the time?”

Giles nodded. “I do.”

The sweater still clasped in her hand she moved closer to Giles and rested her head against his chest. Once again his arms moved to hold her. Buffy let out a happy sigh. “I like this.”

She felt Giles’ soft chuckle, more than she heard it. They sat there, arms around each other, for a few minutes. Finally Giles’ spoke. “How long are you here?” Giles couldn’t quite identify the feeling racing through him as he waited for her answer. All he knew was that he didn’t really want her to go, ever.

“A week.” She paused. “Can I stay here?”

Giles chucked again. “Of course. One of us will need to stay on the sofa. There’s only the one bedroom.”

Buffy snuggled in closer. “I’ll stay here.” Again she sighed. “So, did you have, like, big birthday plans that I’m ruining?”

Giles let out a short laugh. “Hardly. But now that you’re here, perhaps we can go out and celebrate both our birthdays.”

“Celebrate how?”

“Perhaps we could go out for dinner, maybe see a show.”

“Like a movie?”

“No, the theatre. I haven’t been to the theatre once since I've been back. It used to be one of my favorite things to do. I’m sure there’s something playing nearby.”

Buffy frowned. “Do we need to get dressed up? I only brought stuff like what I’m wearing.”

“You look fine. Theatre here isn’t quite as dressy an affair as it is in the States.”

“Cool.” She yawned. “I’m tired.”

“I’m sure you are. It’s a long flight, and it's the middle of the night in Sunnydale.” She nodded against his chest. He started to let go of her. “You could go take a nap if you’d like, you could sleep in my room.”

Buffy made a protesting noise when his arms started to lift away. She grabbed one and tucked it in close again. “I like it here. And this way you can get all caught up on hugs.”

Giles hesitated for a second, and then he decided he liked that idea and he hugged her tightly in reply. He settled more comfortably against the couch and leaned back, just a little. As he held her in his arms, and felt her breath slowing and growing regular, he felt as if he could stay there forever.

End of Part 3