Title: Love Heals All
Author: Rari

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Love Heals All: Part 2

There was an uncharacteristic silence in the car. Xander looked over at Anya and sighed. Anya heard the sigh and glared at Xander. "I can't help it. I don't want to go over there, it's depressing."

"Anya, I already explained it to you. This is what friends do, they hang out even when it isn't…great."

"Why? I don't understand. What good does it do?"

"Look, it's just one of those things you’ll have to take on faith. It's like when Tara got her brains sucked out. Willow didn't leave. She, you know, stuck. When you love someone, you stick. You let them know you care."

Anya sulked. "I don't see how it does any good. They're not any happier when we're there. We just act all gloomy like everyone else."

"Buffy's having a bad time now. I'm sure she'll get through it but right now it's important for her to know we're here for her."

"Right, so she can have a constant reminder of the people who brought her back wrong."

"She's not…wrong." Xander was tired of this conversation and his voice was sharp.

Anya was tired of it too. "Yes she is. All you have to do is look at her. She's unhappy. She's making everyone in that house unhappy. No one's sleeping. It's not getting better, it's getting worse. And all we do is go over there and we all look at each other and we lie. We pretend everything is okay when it's not. We pretend Buffy's okay when she's not. We pretend the spell went exactly the way it was supposed to when it didn't. Something is wrong and we never talk about it." She looked at Xander. "Why don't we talk about it? It doesn't make it go away, it doesn't make it less real. And I don't understand how not talking about it helps." Anya put her hand on his arm and when she spoke again her voice was thick with tears. "I don't understand why you won't at least talk to me about it. Why do you pretend with me? It makes me confused."

Xander pulled over to the side of the road. He put the car in park, turned to face Anya, and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I don't mean to confuse you. I forget sometimes that there are situations that are still new to you." Xander pulled back from the hug and ran a hand through his hair and continued. "And you're right, I shouldn't pretend with you. So, here goes. Okay." He worked up his nerve. "You're right. There is something wrong." He blew out a breath, feeling an unexpected relief that he had finally said it out loud.

Anya pulled her shoulders back, her chin high. "I knew it. See, I knew it." Then a puzzled look crossed her face again. "So why do we have to pretend everything's okay?"

Xander shook his head. "An, I don't know. I guess because we're scared to tell the truth. Telling the truth means we screwed up big time. And we don't know how to fix it. And it means that maybe we did something really bad to Buffy and no one wants to face it. Sometimes pretending is just easier." His lips tightened in a small smile.

Anya stared at him for a moment, considering his words. Then she pulled him in for another hug. "Okay. We can pretend a little longer. Just don't pretend with me. All right? Just tell me the truth."

Xander hugged her back tightly. "I promise. No more pretending between us."

"Right, just between us and our friends."

"Right, we'll just pretend with our friends." Feeling relieved and anxious, both at the same time, Xander put the car in gear and finished driving to Buffy's. As they headed up to the front door they both noted how quiet the house seemed. Before Xander could knock Tara opened the door with a finger over her lips to get them to be silent. Xander and Anya both nodded and followed her finger as she pointed to the living room. Xander grinned at the sight before him. Giles, Buffy, Dawn and Willow were fast asleep. Xander and Anya tiptoed after Tara into the kitchen.

Xander looked puzzled. "How come Giles is back so soon? I thought he was spending at least another week in England. I mean not that this isn't a good…isn't a great thing, but…" He broke off his sentence and waved his hand as if to say that it really didn't matter.

Anya looked relieved. "So that means we can stop pretending, right?"

Tara looked confused. "Pretending about what?"

"That everything's okay. Now we can talk about it because Giles is back."

Tara looked back and forth between Anya and Xander. Xander tried to clarify. "Anya and me…we were sort of talking about how…not okay Buffy seems to be. She's thinking that maybe Giles will notice and do something about it."

At that moment Willow walked into the kitchen, yawning, and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Tara met her halfway and they exchanged a brief kiss. Tara smiled. "Did you have a nice nap?"

Willow nodded, grinning. "Yeah, I can't believe I zonked out like that." She pointed over her shoulder with her thumb, aiming towards the living room. "They look so cute like that. You know, all cuddled together." Willow couldn't believe how much better she felt now that she had told Giles what she had done. It had been an overwhelming secret to keep to herself and she felt pounds lighter having shared it. "Ooh, spaghetti." Her eyes lit up.

Tara watched her, her heart lighter as well. She didn't know what magic Giles had done to make such a difference in her mate but she could have kissed him for it. It was like Willow was back, her Willow.

Even Xander noticed. "Well, we all seem to be in a pretty chipper mood."

Willow grinned. "Giles is back."

Xander nodded. "So, it's unanimous. We're all glad Giles is back."

Dawn walked in at the end of Xander's statement. "I know I am." She looked at the clock on the wall. "She's been sleeping for an hour and she hasn't screamed once." She sent a warning look at everyone. "No one wakes them up." No one had any intention of arguing with her. Tara put the spaghetti in the boiling water and stirred it to keep it from clumping. Then, the phone rang. In the mass confusion to get to it quickly they sabotaged each other and it wasn't until the second ring that Dawn finally picked up the phone.

Buffy jerked awake when the phone rang. She looked around disoriented for a moment. The phone stopped ringing. She let out a small grunt and dropped her head back down on Giles' chest. Buffy wrapped her arm tighter across his middle, getting as close as she could to him. Her shifting woke Giles up from a sound sleep into a groggy one. In response to her movements he turned his body towards Buffy and wrapped his arms more tightly around her as well. He let out a satisfied sigh and laid his head on the top of hers.

Buffy thought she'd just fall back asleep again but instead she found herself wanting to stay awake. Wanting to enjoy the sensation of actually feeling safe. Enjoying the sound of Giles' heartbeat and the warmth of his body. She'd been miserable without him all week. And now that he was back, this was where she wanted to stay. Protected, loved, embraced. She heard someone softly walk into the living room. Buffy's body grew tense, but she closed her eyes and pretended to still be asleep. In a few moments whoever it was walked softly away, back into the kitchen. Her body slowly relaxed.

Giles spoke in a low murmur. "Are you all right?" He had woken fully when he'd felt her body tense. He tried to sit up but she let out a complaining moan and held him still. Giles brushed some of her hair away, to keep it out of his mouth. "Buffy?"

"I'm okay. Just don't…just don't move."

Giles smiled. "Ever? That might prove difficult."

He felt Buffy shake her head. "I don't care."

Giles let out a soft chuckle. He pulled an arm up to cover his mouth as he yawned. He took off his glasses, tossed them on the coffee table and then rubbed his eyes. Giles hesitated for a second but then wrapped his arm back around Buffy. If he could figure out a way to hold her like this forever, to keep her safe, he would.

It was Buffy's turn to let out a satisfied sigh. They both closed their eyes but neither of them fell back asleep. After several minutes Buffy let out a moan. Giles brushed back her hair again so he could talk. "What's the matter?"

She moaned again. "I have to pee."

Giles laughed softly again. "Ah, our first major obstacle to the forever plan."

"You could come with me."

"No, I think not. I'm afraid this is one fight you'll have to tackle on your own."

She stayed put for a few more minutes, and then, finally, "Shit." She reluctantly sat up, pulling away from Giles. It felt awful to leave her haven. She looked down at her bladder, frowning. "Traitor."

Giles yawned again and then stood. He reached a hand to Buffy and helped her up. Lifting his head he sniffed. "Smells like dinner's ready." He was starving. The airplane food had been unappetizing at best. He smiled down at Buffy. "Go…pee." He grimaced at the word. "We'll rendezvous in the kitchen when you're done." Giles watched Buffy as her eyes darkened. He gently touched the side of her face. "Buffy. What…?"

She shook her head and flashed him that self-mocking smile of hers. "I'm fine. Really." She leaned her head towards him and spoke in a dramatic whisper. "How will I know it's you?"

He looked at her seriously. "I'll be the one standing next to you."

Buffy gave him a shaky smile and slowly turned, heading towards the bathroom. Giles watched her go, concerned. As his stomach growled he sniffed again and walked towards the kitchen. Five heads looked up when he entered. Dawn groaned. "You're awake."

Giles' eyebrows rose. "I'm sorry. Was I supposed to stay asleep?"

Dawn grinned. "No, we were just hoping you'd both get to sleep more."

"So does that mean I have your permission to have some supper? Or must I away to the couch again?"

Dawn rolled her eyes and he took that as permission. Giles looked at the table and noted that the two empty seats were the end seats, opposite each other. He looked down at Dawn. "Would you mind terribly if I asked you to move? I think she'd…" He didn't finish his sentence but Dawn got it.

Dawn stood picking up her plate. "No, I…I like sitting at the end."

Xander grinned. "That's right. It lets you be the boss." Everyone helped shift Dawn's utensils and napkin down to her.

Tara got up, speaking to Giles. "Why don't you sit down. I'll serve you up a plate."

Giles looked over at her. "Thank you, Tara. Why don't you make that two plates. I'll just go and get Buffy." He headed out of the kitchen and down the hallway, leaning against the wall a few feet away from the bathroom door. When a few minutes had passed he walked to the door and knocked gently on it. "Buffy?"

The door opened. In the harsh light of the bathroom Giles got his first real look at Buffy. She looked…beaten and discarded. His heart ached for her. Opening his arms he pulled her in to his chest. "Whatever it is, whatever's troubling you, I'll face it with you. I promise." He heard her let out a long breath and then he felt her nod. He rubbed her back for a few moments. "Think you can handle some dinner?" He felt her nod again. "Come on then." Keeping his arm around her he headed them both to the kitchen. He sat her down at the end seat and took his seat next to her. She sent a tentative smile to everyone and picked up her fork.

She looked at Dawn. "Who was that on the phone?"

"It was Jennifer." With that Dawn launched into her latest friend dilemma at school and as if a dam had been breached the conversation around the table grew quite animated and chatty. Even Buffy tried to get into the spirit of it although most of her answers were short. She would often look up at Giles, as if to reassure herself that he was really there, and more often than not, she would meet his gaze and realize that he had been watching her. Instead of wigging her out, like it did when everyone else was always watching her, it made her feel special and cared for.

When everyone was done, Willow and Tara started clearing away the dishes. Buffy looked outside, saw that it was dark. Glancing at the clock, her lips tightened. She glanced up at Giles. "I guess I better go patrol."

Giles' brow furrowed. "Do you think that's wise? You seem so tired."

"Does it matter? It's what I do. It's what I have to do."

Giles winced at the weariness of her words. "Well, perhaps you could not do it tonight."

Buffy shook her head. "It keeps me focused. It makes me tired so I can fall asleep."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Buffy shook her head again. "No. Spike's been going with me." She smiled tiredly at Giles. "It will give you some time to get settled in."

Giles looked at her for a long moment and then he nodded. "All right. But Buffy, make it a short one tonight. Please."

Buffy nodded and stood. Giles listened to her run upstairs and then back down. He pursed his lips as he heard the front door open and then close behind her. Giles sat there for a minute, his legs stretched out before him, his hands clasped over his stomach. He looked at the floor, his thoughts full of Buffy. Looking up all of a sudden he was somewhat taken aback to find five sets of eyes staring at him. He pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses and sighed. "So, tell me about these dreams Buffy's having."

***

When Buffy returned it was almost midnight. Giles had already made up the couch and he was laying on it, still dressed, head propped up on multiple pillows, reading a book. He let out a quiet sigh of relief when he heard her come in. He called out. "Everything go all right?"

Buffy moved over to the couch and after he sat up she sat down next to him. "It was kind of crazy out there tonight. Lots of new vamps." She leaned back against the couch with a discouraged air. "Giles, what's the point? I patrol every night, and every night people get bitten and killed or turned into vampires. What good am I? What difference do I make?" She closed her eyes. "It just seems so pointless. Endless and pointless."

The sadness in Buffy's eyes almost broke Giles' heart. "Buffy…"

She interrupted him. "No, I mean it. What's the point? I don't know how to do this anymore."

Her tone, and her facial expression reminded him of their last conversation before Buffy had gone on to face Glory and die. His heart broke a little more. Giles wracked his brain for the right thing to say but the perfect phrase eluded him. He looked again at her face and the sadness there. Somehow he knew that words weren't the answer, or at least not the first answer, that his fine intellect wasn't what Buffy needed. Giles shifted on the couch until he was closer to her and he opened up his arms. "Come here."

Buffy needed no further urging than that and she was soon leaning against him, her face against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his middle. Giles ran a hand lightly down her hair. "Sure you don't need to pee first?" Giles was proud at how easily the word came out this time. Buffy giggled and shook her head. Giles smiled at the sound, and ran his hand down her hair again, and then again. He could feel her start to relax so he didn't stop.

Finally she spoke. "Talk to me Giles."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me why it makes a difference. Tell me something to make me feel better."

He kissed the top of her head. "All right, I'll try." First he backed up, taking Buffy with him, until he was more comfortably leaning against the end of the couch. He thought for a moment. "There have certainly been times when the fate of the world has depended on you. On your courage and your strength. And each time, each apocalypse you've faced…"

He heard her mumble. "We've faced."

Giles smiled. "Yes, each apocalypse that we've faced, well, we've succeeded. The world has gone on to turn another day, the vast majority of the people completely ignorant of how close to death they came, and certainly ignorant of the debt they owe you. And sometimes the cost of winning those battles has been dear." He hugged her tightly. "Too dear."

Buffy responded only by letting out a long breath and holding him back more tightly in return.

Giles continued. "So in terms of human lives, the tally of those you've saved, over and over again, are beyond count, beyond measure. But, at the same time that's a difficult concept to wrap one's arms about, to take solace in. It's almost too large." Giles reached behind him to adjust a pillow. Then he clasped his hands behind Buffy's back. He paused for a moment after that to marshal his thoughts. "Do you know who Albert Schweitzer was?"

Again, a mumble. "No."

"Albert Schweitzer was an amazing man. He was a philosopher, a theologian, a missionary, a musician and a doctor. He spent his life serving his fellow man. Nothing was more important to him than this. In fact, he said that one could only be truly happy when one determined the way in which they could serve and then lived it. He worked for many years in Africa both as a missionary and as a physician. One time he was asked why he did it. He was asked why he continued in this capacity when the suffering was so immense, when what he accomplished was so insignificant in the big scheme of things. After all, there would always be suffering and nothing he did would ever make it go away. So why bother?"

He paused for a moment and Buffy shifted. "What did he say?"

"Well, the general gist of what he said was to bring the concept away from this huge sea of suffering and bring it back down to the suffering of each individual person, and the worth of each of those people. He knew that maybe he couldn't stem the tide of suffering globally. But he was very clear that he could perhaps end the suffering of the person in front of him, and then the next person, and the next. That each life he touched might be better through his love and service. And that was enough. And for those people he did help, it was enough."

Giles unclasped his hands and ran a hand through her hair. He gently worked his fingers through any tangles he encountered. "Buffy, you're right in one way. You will never be able to defeat all the evil. You will never be able to protect everyone. People will die, they always have. But every vampire you kill, every demon you stop, it makes a difference. The person that vampire might have killed, will live. And any people that vampire might have turned will survive. Ripples of life and love grow just as surely from the work you do, as ripples of death and destruction grow from the evil. It is here, I believe, that your service lies. Keeping the balance, protecting whom you can, saving one life at a time. Knowing that each life you save is an inestimable gift, both to that person, and to the people that love him or her, and also to the world."

Buffy didn't respond and Giles was out of words for the time being. He just sat there and held her, hoping that what he'd said was enough, that holding her would lend her his strength. He'd have done anything for her, anything to bring her some peace, to take that sadness out of her eyes.

At some point he realized that Buffy had fallen asleep. He grinned at the soft snores coming out of her. Trying not to jar her he shifted his hands until he got a firmer grip on her and he stood, holding her in his arms. He gently walked upstairs to her bedroom. Laying her down he slipped off her shoes and then covered her with her quilt. Giles brushed the hair off her face and then bent down to place a kiss on her forehead. Suppressing a desire to just stay with her he quickly left the room and headed back downstairs. He settled back down on the couch and picked up his book.

End of Part 2