Title: Friends and Lovers
Author: Rari

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Friends and Lovers: Part 9

Jenny watched as Giles hung up the phone, her stomach churning. "Was that Buffy?"

Giles nodded. "She's going home today."

Jenny managed a smile but then couldn't resist a jibe. "So, not at death's door."

Giles let out a long sigh. He wondered when it had happened, when his allegiance had so shifted to Buffy that no other woman could hope to win his heart. He wondered if he and Jenny had ever had a chance. Giles remembered his manners and gestured Jenny in, pulling a chair out for her to sit on. Once she was sitting, he sat across from her. They sat there for a few moments, the silence awkward. Finally Giles spoke. "Jenny, I'm sorry."

Jenny shook her head. "An apology isn't enough."

"I know."

"I deserve more than that."

"You deserve so much more. More than I can ever give you. I've been dreadfully unfair to you."

Jenny couldn't agree more. "Things have to change."

"Yes, they do."

"I think we should live together."

Giles looked up at Jenny, surprised. "Excuse me?"

"You know, move in together. Then I'd get to see you more. Maybe I wouldn't mind you going off to get Buffy out of one bind or another if I knew you'd at least be coming home to me."

"Jenny."

"No, I've given this a lot of thought. And I think it could work."

"Jenny."

"It would probably make more sense for you to move into my house, because it's bigger. There's even a spare bedroom for Buffy if she gets hurt, so she doesn't have to sleep on the couch."

Giles tried again. "Jenny."

Jenny could tell things weren't going the way she had planned but she couldn't give up, not yet. "Besides, it's hardly appropriate for a girl Buffy's age to be spending the night at a bachelor's apartment, is it?"

Giles sighed again. "She's been doing it since she was sixteen. It hardly seems the time to start worrying about proprieties now."

"That's not the point."

"No, I don't suppose it is."

"Rupert, I understand she's the Slayer…"

"But?"

"But, she's also a young woman. She might get the wrong idea if you continue to hover."

"My behavior hardly constitutes hovering."

Jenny glared at him. "Every time she calls, every time she gets a scratch, every time she gets in a mood, you're who she calls, and you go running."

"I dare say you're exaggerating a bit."

"Not by much. At least not from where I'm standing."

Giles stood and started pacing, as much as his office would allow him to. "I can't afford not to go. When she says she needs me, I must go."

"Have you never read the story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf?"

"I think you're being a bit unfair. Buffy never calls me unnecessarily."

"What was last night then?"

"Jenny, she almost died."

"But afterwards, when it was clear she was fine, she still asked you to stay. And don't tell me it was because she was scared witless because she wasn't. I saw her. She was calm enough to know exactly what she wanted and to milk the situation for all it was worth to make sure she got it."

"Jenny." Giles' voice was sharp. He knew Jenny was justifiably venting but his automatic defense of Buffy was difficult to stem. "You're not being fair."

Jenny let out a groan of frustration. She tried again. "Did you think she was scared and in desperate need of you?"

"No, I didn't think that, except that I knew she didn't want to take any pain medication unless I was with her."

"Why?"

"Because she wouldn't be able to protect herself. Vampires can enter hospitals. If word got out that she was injured, it's not unreasonable to assume that one might try to get to her while she's vulnerable, to kill her."

"And Riley couldn't have protected her? It had to be you?"

"She feels most comfortable with me. You know that."

"Does she ever think about the fact that you have other people in your life?"

"Yes, she does, and she felt badly that you and I fought last night."

"It didn't stop her, though, did it?"

"Her asking me to stay was as much for me as it was for her."

"What?"

"She may not have been frightened, but I was. I was terrified, and she knew it. She knew I wanted to stay, that I wanted to be near her."

Jenny narrowed her eyes. "If she hadn't asked you, would you have stayed anyway?"

Giles shook his head. "I don't know. It doesn't really matter at this point."

Jenny watched Giles, watched the sadness on his face, and watched, as he wouldn't meet her gaze. Her own heart started to hurt as she finally gave voice to her fears. "Rupert, what's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

Giles sat again, and he took her hands. "Jenny."

Jenny suddenly didn't want to know. She stood up, moving away. "So, what do you think about us living together?" Maybe if she spoke fast enough, made plans fast enough, they could get past this part.

But Giles needed to get it said. "It just won't work any more."

Jenny looked down at Giles. "Why are you saying that? Isn't it up to us to make it work?"

Giles pursed his lips and then he stood as well, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. "All right, then. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep hurting you, letting you down. You're right, you do deserve more. You deserve someone who will put you first."

Jenny shook her head. "I'm the one who's getting hurt here. If I've come up with a possible solution, why won't you take a chance with it?"

"It's not a solution, Jenny. Unfortunately it will simply be a vehicle for me to hurt you more. Buffy is my life, she always has been, always will be. If we live together, you'll just see more proof of that, not less."

"Do you love me, Rupert?"

"I do, Jenny, I love you most dearly."

Jenny hated herself for asking, when she knew the answer but she did it anyway. "Are you in love with me?"

Giles looked at her sadly. "No, no I'm not."

"Have you ever been?"

Giles' lips tightened. "I don't know. I think I hoped I might be."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Giles moved to his desk and sat on the corner. "I don't think I understood. I don't believe I…I don't believe there's really room in my heart for more than…" He sighed in frustration, not sure how to say what needed to be said.

Jenny let out a horrified gasp as it all suddenly became clear. "Oh, God, you're in love with her, aren't you?" Giles didn't say anything, which in itself was enough of an answer for Jenny. "For how long?"

Giles shook his head. "I just realized it, last night." He looked at Jenny, confusion on his face.

Jenny had no compassion in her at the moment. "Have you been sleeping with her? Behind my back? Is that what you've been racing off to do every time she calls?"

Giles stood quickly, and moved over to Jenny, putting his hands on her shoulders. "No, never. I would never do that to you."

"But, it's okay to be in love with her while you sleep with me? Did you wish it was her when you were with me?" Jenny turned her head away, her eyes filled with tears, humiliated.

"Jenny, no. It hasn't been like that. Every moment we've spent together has been important to me, and real. You must believe me. I didn't put it together until last night and as soon as I did I realized that I was being completely unfair to you, that this wasn't right."

Jenny tried to control her tears. "Jesus, Rupert. You really are a noble bastard, aren't you?"

"I don't feel noble at all. I feel dreadful about the whole thing. And I wish…"

Jenny looked at him. "What do you wish?"

"I wish I was in love with you. I wish it could be that simple." He raised a hand and touched her cheek.

"Is she in love with you too?"

"I have no idea."

"You're not going to ask her?"

Giles shook his head. "No, I'm not."

"Why not?"

Giles put his hands back in his pockets. "Because I am her Watcher and I cannot compromise that relationship."

Jenny poked him in the chest, angry all of a sudden. "You seem to think you have the right to make all the decisions here. You haven't even asked me what I think, or if I'd be willing to live with things the way they are, and you're not giving Buffy that choice either. We have a right to a choice, you know. Who are you to make everyone's decisions for them?"

"Jenny, please. I understand that you're angry. You have a right to be, but let's not play games. Would you? Would you be willing to stay with me knowing I'm in love with her?"

There was a pause, and then a grudging answer. "No."

"So why belabor the point?"

"But that doesn't mean Buffy wouldn't choose you." Jenny couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth, but she was so angry she couldn't stop talking. And she knew that once she stopped that it would be over, that this thing, this wonderful and annoying thing between her and Rupert would be truly over.

"If she chooses me, then she and I can discuss it. But until then, things will remain the same. It changes nothing of how I feel or the duty I have."

Jenny shook her head at Giles. "She has no idea of what she's done to you, does she?"

"She's done nothing to me. I suppose it's somewhat inevitable for a Watcher to…to develop strong feelings for his or her Slayer."

"Right, she's done nothing. Except wrap you slowly around every one of her fingers."

Giles spoke sharply. "Jenny, that's enough. None of this is Buffy's fault. She is in fact, one of the least selfish beings on this planet. She offers her life up nightly to protect us all. If you must speak harshly, do so to me and about me."

"Oh, that's right, I forgot. Buffy can do no wrong." Jenny snarled. "The great and wonderful Buffy." Jenny glared at Giles. "Well, it's just as well that you aren't going to tell her, and do you want to know why?"

"Not particularly but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Because women don't like a man who's a doormat. And that's what you are to her, someone to use and abuse. How could she possibly love you? She doesn't even respect you. How could she and treat you the way she does? As if the only reason for your existence is to wait on her every need, to come running every time she crooks her finger. God forbid you want a life of your own, a woman of your own. But does she care? No, she doesn't. She doesn't care at all."

"She does care, Jenny. She cares very much. However, it doesn't matter. Much of what you say is true, not in how Buffy treats me, but in how I treat her. I am here for her. And I know that upsets you."

"Upsets me? You think I'm upset?" Jenny moved in close to Giles and poked him hard in the chest again. "You're damn right I'm upset. I'm being jilted for the world's most selfish nineteen-year-old girl who doesn't even know you're a man. Someone who's probably going to be dead …"

Giles grabbed her hand and pushed her firmly away. "Stop it, Jenny, don't say it."

Jenny bit back those words, but she couldn't keep it all back. "Well, she is. And when she's dead, and you suddenly find yourself lonely and feel like you can love someone again, don't come looking for me." With that Jenny stormed out of Giles' office, slamming the door shut behind her. The pictures on his walls rattled in response.

Giles closed his eyes and sank to his desk again. "Bloody brilliant, Rupert." He shook his head. Giles tried not to take Jenny's words to heart but it was hard. He found himself wondering if Buffy did even know he was a man. And he found himself wishing she were here so he could hold her, and lose himself in her presence.

End of Part 9