Title: Friends and Lovers
Author: Rari

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Friends and Lovers: Part 8

Giles' mind had simply shut down. He felt incapable of a single coherent thought. He turned his head and watched Buffy, her presence acting as his North Star, his reason for being. Still holding her hand he reached out with his other hand and touched her hair, running a few of the silky strands through his fingers. He had no idea how to begin considering something he'd spent years treating as a forbidden subject, not something to even reflect upon in an idle moment. She'd been too young, he'd been her mentor, an instructor at her school. The idea alone had been wildly inappropriate, and he was grateful that he'd, truly, rarely had occasion to push those sorts of thoughts aside.

The thought of being in love with Buffy wasn't what gave him pause. He supposed it was true. Assuming being in love meant that all of one's being was wrapped up in someone else, that all of one's thoughts were on him or her, that being with them gave one such a sense of completion. Certainly, despite his deep affection for Jenny, Buffy held the majority of his heart, and Giles felt a moment of guilt, understanding now, that he had been terribly unfair to Jenny. But even he hadn't seen the hold Buffy had on him, not until this very moment. And he knew that when he saw Jenny tomorrow that he would end the relationship, regardless of where things went with Buffy.

What gave him pause was the thought of touching her. He couldn't imagine it, or maybe he just wouldn't allow himself to. She had grown into a beautiful woman but she was still so young. Giles knew she loved him, but he found it hard to believe that she also, was in love with him. Or that she ever thought about being with him that way. Giles could feel himself shying away again at the thought. It felt as if that would be so extraordinarily different from what they had now. That it would be similar to jumping off a precipice, having no idea of what lay beneath. And the thought of putting what they had at risk, for something so unknown, shook Giles to his core.

He knew, as he sat there, that he would never initiate anything. That he would not be able to be the one who made the choice to change the way things were. But, perhaps, if Buffy …

Giles let out a soft laugh. If Buffy asked it of him, he'd do it. Jenny was right. He'd jump off that precipice if it were what she wanted. Anything for her. Anything. Despite his fears about it. Despite the risk.

Again he let her hair run through his fingers. Buffy stirred and he held very still. She opened her eyes and when she saw him she smiled. Giles felt his heart leap in his chest. He spoke softly to her, slowly retracting his hand away from her hair. "Go back to sleep."

She closed her eyes but then opened them again. "What time is it?"

Giles looked at his watch. "Two in the morning."

"Where's my mom?"

"She went to get some coffee."

Buffy smiled again, sleepily, making a small sound of acknowledgement. Then she turned her head, checking out the room. "Riley?"

"He left." Giles felt a momentary twinge of some uncomfortable emotion at the mention of the young man's name.

Buffy smiled again, which surprised Giles. "Good."

Giles' eyebrows rose, and he felt a sort of fierce relief that Buffy truly didn't seem to care if Riley were here, in fact, seemed glad that he wasn't. Giles couldn't resist brushing some hair off Buffy's forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Okay." Buffy focused her gaze on Giles. "Are you in love with Jenny?"

Giles' eyes opened wide, wondering why Buffy would be asking him that, wondering if perhaps she had overheard part of his and Joyce's earlier conversation. With another momentary flash of guilt about Jenny, he shook his head. "No, no I'm not."

Buffy wrapped both of her hands around Giles' one. "Me either."

Giles puzzled that out. "You mean with Riley?"

Buffy nodded. "He wants me to be." She looked up at Giles. "Does Jenny want you to be?"

Giles nodded. "Yes, she does."

"I sort of want to be too, but I can't. I mean, I sort of want to be in love, just not with Riley." She yawned and then shot Giles a sheepish look. "Do you know what I mean?"

"Actually, I do."

Buffy turned his hand so the palm was facing up, and she moved her head closer to the rail so she could rest her cheek on his hand. "I guess it's just you and me."

Giles smiled down at her. "Yes, you and me."

Buffy yawned again. "But, that's not so bad."

Giles found his other hand gravitating to her face again, and he brushed her cheek softly with the backs of his fingers. "No, in fact, it's quite all right with me."

Buffy made a soft happy sound. "Me too." Buffy looked ready to settle down again. Giles barely heard her when she spoke. "I love you, Giles."

Giles felt the sting of tears. "I love you too, Buffy." He brushed her cheek again. "Now go to sleep. I'll be right here."

"Okay."

As she settled back into sleep Giles ran his hand down her hair and felt so much love for her that he thought his heart might burst in his chest. He looked up to find Joyce standing across from him.

Joyce saw the brightness of his eyes and the acute vulnerability. It was as if he'd been stripped bare before her and Joyce could see the depths of his love for her daughter. He still looked beyond speech and Joyce couldn't think of any words to say. She felt humbled and she felt a certain peace that her daughter was loved so much by someone who, despite their differences in the past, Joyce knew to be a good man. A man who would do everything and anything in his power to keep Buffy alive and happy.

Joyce had gotten Giles some tea, despite the fact that he had told her he didn't want anything, and she silently handed it to him. He smiled his thanks to her and took it, setting it down beside him, on Buffy's bedside table. He spoke softly. "She woke up for a minute."

"I know."

Giles looked up at Joyce, realizing that she must have heard much of the conversation between he and Buffy. He caught her eyes, trying to see what she might be thinking and was surprised to find nothing in her eyes to condemn him. "Ah."

Joyce grinned at him, her eyes knowing. "I think I can guess what that one means."

Giles nodded. "I suspect you would be right."

"Will you tell her?"

"No."

His answer surprised her. "No?"

He shook his head. "No. This cannot come from me. And despite your words, I cannot believe it will come from her." Giles touched Buffy's hair again. "She is so young."

Joyce looked sadly at her sleeping daughter. "I don't think she's been young for a long time."

Giles didn't respond, but he turned and awkwardly balanced the cup with his one free hand, until he managed to get the lid off. He took a cautious sip.

Joyce glanced at him. "Was I wrong to say something? Should I have kept quiet? Have I made things more difficult for you?"

Giles shook his head. "No. My love remains the same, it is simply, well, perhaps defined a little more clearly. I am satisfied with the way things are." He let out a breath. "I feel no great need to change things, and I certainly am not willing to risk what we have by trying to make her feel something she doesn't, or isn't ready for."

"You're satisfied with the way things are?"

Giles nodded.

Joyce prodded a little harder. "So, it doesn't bother you to think that she might go home tomorrow and be sleeping with another man?" She didn't miss the flash in his eyes.

Giles reined his reaction in. "That is Buffy's choice."

"Maybe she makes it because she doesn't realize she could have you."

Giles looked up at Joyce. "Joyce, two hours ago, you would have been happy if you'd never seen me with your daughter again. Now, I feel as if you're forcing my hand to become …" He waved his hand holding the tea gently in Buffy's direction. "…intimate with your daughter. It's a bit much." He looked around the room. "You don't have a shotgun with you, by any chance?"

Joyce barked out a laugh and then she covered her mouth as if to pull the sound back. She looked at Buffy to see if she'd awakened her. When she saw that she hadn't she grinned at Giles. "No shotgun."

"Well, that's a relief, at any rate."

"I just know I'm right."

"And I must ask that you leave it alone, now. Please."

Joyce scowled but she nodded, pulling her chair up and sitting down, focusing on her coffee. The two of them sat silently, keeping vigil over Buffy as she slept.

***

When Buffy woke up next she could see the sun shining in around the closed curtains. Craning her neck she saw her mom curled up on a reclining chair in the corner of the room. "Mom?"

Joyce opened her eyes immediately. "Hi, honey. How are you feeling?"

Buffy stretched. "Good, actually." She checked the room again. "Where's Giles?"

"You sent him home, remember? You thought he looked tired."

Buffy thought back to the last time she'd woken up and then she did remember. "Oh, yeah. He looked whipped." She looked disgruntled for a minute. "He really left?"

Joyce let out a laugh. "Yes, he really left. After you threatened him with bodily harm and gave him some heartfelt speech about him needing to keep healthy for you."

Buffy grimaced. "Who knew I could be so dramatic in the middle of the night?"

Joyce stood and came to sit on the chair that Giles had vacated. "He didn't want to go, if that makes you feel any better."

Buffy glanced at her mom, expecting to see the usual furrowed brow. "Hey, you seem remarkably Giles angst free. What gives?"

"We did a lot of talking last night. Cleared the air a bit."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "What'd you two talk about?"

Joyce didn't miss the expression that crossed her daughter's face. Giles had asked her not to talk about it to Buffy, but it didn't mean she couldn't prod her a little. "Oh, our feelings for one another."

Buffy's face took on a very nervous look. "What feelings? What feelings that you have for one another?"

The door opened up and a nurse came in. "Good morning. How are you feeling this morning?"

Buffy shook her head. "Wait." She looked at her mom. "What feelings?" Her stomach felt as if it was tied up in knots.

Joyce just pointed to the nurse. "Let the nurse do what she needs to do. We have plenty of time to talk." Joyce stood. "I need a restroom break." She leaned down and kissed Buffy on the forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes, honey."

Buffy's brow was furrowed as she watched her mom leave the room. She barely tolerated the nurse's assessment and for the most part kept her eyes on the door waiting for her mom to come back. The nurse finally looked at her. "Well other than being grouchy I think you're in pretty good shape. Remarkable, considering. I'm sure the doctor will let you go home today."

Buffy nodded at her, still distracted. "Uh huh." When her mom entered the room Buffy was back on the conversation like a dog with a bone. "What feelings? Why should there be feelings?"

Joyce bit back a smile. She knew she should feel guilty for this, but she didn't. "Well, we've never talked about that … you know …that night. The band candy night."

"And there should never be talking about that night, ever."

"Why? Why does it matter to you so much?" Joyce sent her daughter a confused innocent look.

"It doesn't …matter. Why should it matter?" Buffy was able to keep her mouth shut for about ten seconds. "What feelings?"

Joyce got up to take the tray from the dietary assistant and she began to set up Buffy's breakfast. "I've just decided that I like your Mr. Giles, very much."

Buffy scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?" She scowled again and muttered under her breath. "And he is mine, you know."

"Buffy, are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Jealous of what? Were there things going on that I should be jealous about?" Buffy's voice rose an octave.

"I don't know. You just sound jealous." Joyce poured some milk in Buffy's cereal. She took another look at Buffy's face and relented. "We've decided that we should try to be friends. Everything's been forgiven and forgotten, so to speak."

Buffy put the head of her bed up more, so she could get to her breakfast. "Friends?"

Joyce nodded. "Friends."

"Like no touching, no kissing, no nothing of any kind sort of friends?"

"Exactly."

Buffy thought about that for a second and then she nodded. "Okay. That's okay."

Joyce pursed her lips as she considered her daughter. "You do realize that he does do that sort of stuff, right?"

Buffy's eyes opened wide. "What?"

"Rupert. I mean, he does have a girlfriend. I imagine they do touch."

Buffy scowled again. "So?"

"So, I'm just wondering if you don't like the idea of your Mr. Giles and I touching because you don't want me to be with anyone, or if it's because you don't want him to be with anyone?"

Buffy went still, the spoon of breakfast cereal halfway to her mouth. The phone rang and Joyce reached for it. "Hello?"

"Joyce, it's Rupert. How's Buffy this morning?"

Joyce frowned at her watch. "You couldn't have gotten much sleep."

"Well, I had a class this morning."

"Still …"

"I'm quite used to going without sleep. I'm fine."

Buffy was reaching out her hand, quite demandingly. "Is that Giles?"

Joyce grinned, speaking into the phone. "Someone wants to speak with you." She handed the phone to her daughter.

"Giles?"

"Good morning, Buffy."

Buffy felt better just at the sound of his voice. "I missed you when I woke up and you weren't here." Buffy blushed when she realized how that sounded. "I mean …"

"That's all right, Buffy. I know what you mean. Are you feeling better? Is the pain gone?"

Buffy stretched a little. "Yeah, hardly any pain at all. The nurse thinks I'll go home today."

"Good. Will you go and stay at your mum's for a couple of days?"

Buffy glanced at her mom. "Yeah, if she doesn't mind."

"I hardly think she'd mind, Buffy."

"Will you come by tonight?"

"If you'd like."

"I would."

"Then I will."

Buffy could hear a knocking sound. "Is that someone for you?"

Giles hesitated. "Yes, it's Jenny."

Buffy frowned. "Oh."

There was a few seconds silence on both sides. "Well, I'd best go."

"Okay, but Giles?"

"Yes?"

"Come by tonight, okay?"

"I will."

Buffy hung up. She knew she should have told Giles to take Jenny out somewhere romantic tonight, but it wasn't in her to do that, even though it was her fault that they had fought last night. Instead Buffy found herself not liking the idea of Giles and Jenny being alone, and of what they might even now be doing. Somehow Giles had been with Jenny for so long that Buffy didn't really think about it, but her mom was right. Giles probably did touch Jenny, a lot. Like she touched Riley. And Buffy didn't like that idea, at all. Buffy pushed her breakfast tray away.

Her mom looked at her concerned. "What's the matter?"

"Jenny."

Her mom bit back a smile at the misery on Buffy's face. She wished she could tell Buffy not to worry, that she had captured her Watcher's heart completely, and it was hers for the taking, but Joyce knew it really wasn't her place. But at least she had a pretty good idea that Buffy's heart was taken as well, even if she hadn't figured it out yet.

End of Part 8