Title: Friends and Lovers
Author: Rari

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Friends and Lovers: Part 7

Now that Buffy was assured that it was Giles next to her she felt safe enough to allow the pain medication to take her away. As she drifted off she pulled Giles' hand to her, holding it to her breast. Giles looked down at her and his longing to protect her, to keep her safe, was so strong that it almost took his breath away. When they got to her room he was able to slip his hand away so they could shift her to her new bed. She appeared to be asleep but Giles stayed close in case she woke up. And she did, just a bit, the jostling startling her eyes open. Giles simply took her hand again, reassuring her. "I'm right here, Buffy."

Buffy smiled and fell asleep again. Without letting go of her hand Giles snagged a chair with his foot and pulled it to him. He settled down and held Buffy's hand to his chest as he sat beside her, watching her.

***

A few minutes later Joyce found the room and entered. Giles looked up at the noise and smiled at her. Joyce tiptoed over. "Is she asleep?"

"Quite firmly asleep, I believe." Giles looked at the door. "Where's Riley?"

Joyce let out a sigh. "He went home."

"Ah."

"What does that mean?" Giles smiled and that made Joyce scowl. "And what's so funny?"

"I'm sorry. You sound so much like your daughter. Every time I say 'ah' like that she always insists on knowing what it means." He looked at Buffy and smiled.

The words slipped out before she could stop them. "You love her, don't you?"

"With all that I am."

He offered the answer up so easily with no dissembling that Joyce stared at him. Then she began to realize that he was answering a very different question than the one she had posited. Another question slipped out. "How do you do it, then? How do you send her out every night, knowing she could get hurt, or killed? How can you say you love her and yet let her live this horrible life?"

Giles looked at Joyce and she almost wept at the sadness in his eyes. He closed his eyes for a minute, collecting himself. He let out a long sigh and then looked around the room for a seat for Joyce. Realizing he was sitting in the only one, he stood. "Please, have a seat."

Joyce shook her head. "I'll find another chair." And she did, a rather large recliner, and soon, with some help from Giles, she was sitting next to him, waiting for his answer.

Giles looked at the floor for a while, pulling his thoughts together. Finally he looked up at Joyce. "I think, perhaps, that it is time we had this conversation."

Joyce frowned. "Which conversation is this?" She knew her voice sounded snippy but she couldn't help it.

"Joyce." Giles sent her a look. Joyce shut up, feeling legitimately scolded. Giles pinched his nose under his glasses. "You have always blamed me for Buffy's life as a Slayer." He put his hand up to stop any more commentary from Joyce. "Please, let me speak."

Joyce nodded.

Giles continued. "I understand that this has been difficult for you. I understand that it is not a path you would have chosen for your daughter, in fact, it is not a path anyone would ever choose for someone they love. If I could, I would take it away from her." Giles leaned forwards. "But I cannot. She is the Slayer. It is her birthright, and I had nothing to do with it. There have been Slayers for millennia, and long after you and I are dead, there will countless more."

Joyce felt the need to argue. "But you encourage her."

"No, Joyce. I help her."

"She was always complaining that you were making her do this, or making her do that."

"In much the same fashion as you insisting that she do her homework, or clean her room."

"Doing her homework won't get her killed."

"But neglecting her training, ignoring the signs of an impending apocalypse, and failing to report in so I can do adequate research can."

"It isn't right that she has to do this."

"I agree. But I didn't set up the system. I am merely someone trained to keep an eye on the Slayer and do everything I can to keep her alive." Giles let out a breath. "I believe you do your daughter a disservice by assigning blame."

Joyce glared at him. "What?"

"Have you ever spoken with her about what it feels like to be the Slayer?"

"I don't need to, I just have to listen to her complain about it."

"I think that there is hardly a profession on the planet that doesn't offer fodder for complaints."

"It's a little different when your job can get you killed. That's worth some complaining."

"And I'm not disagreeing. All I'm suggesting is that you should talk to Buffy about being the Slayer. I think you would find that there is much about it that she finds rewarding. Buffy gets an immense satisfaction in knowing that she is keeping the world safe, and takes, rightly so, an inordinate pride in being the Slayer. You belittle it and her when you make it sound as if it's little more than a punishment handed out by irate librarians."

Joyce shifted in her seat a little. None of this had ever crossed her mind.

Giles continued. "Buffy can sense evil. And evil comes to this town because she is here. She is the fulcrum. It is her job to keep things in balance. If I were not here, none of this would change. Do you honestly believe that your daughter, if not pushed by me, would sit by and allow evil to reign supreme in this town? That she would do nothing as people got killed? That she could in good conscience live a normal life, turning a blind eye to the suffering around her? I know she could not. She might elect to escape for a while, but it would not last for long. Buffy would choose to put herself in the thick of it to save the lives of those around her, of those that she loves, and in fact, those that she'll never know. It is not in her to sit by when someone is being hurt. She is too loving and caring a person for that."

Giles pinned Joyce with his gaze. "If I left, she would simply be forced to act as the Slayer on her own, without assistance. And knowing Buffy she would probably manage reasonably well. But I believe that I make her stronger, that she is better able to fight with my training, and that she fights more wisely with my knowledge. If there is anything I can do to assist her I must, and not only because she is the Slayer. Your daughter is the most extraordinary, loving, courageous person I have ever met. It has been my honor and privilege to be at her side since the day I met her."

Joyce felt ashamed, but a small childish piece deep inside was not ready to let go yet. "Why did you keep it a secret from me?"

Giles let out a sigh. "I do take the blame for that. Truthfully, the identity of the Slayer has always been a carefully guarded secret. Knowing the truth puts her and the ones who know at risk. But within hours of her arrival at Sunnydale High it seemed as if half the student body knew who she was. I felt as if I was losing control. I told Buffy not to tell you, just as I pleaded with her not to let anyone else know. I think, in retrospect, it was a mistake, and I apologize."

Giles interrupted his speech to turn to Buffy who was shifting in the bed. He waited until she settled down again and then turned back to Joyce, a fleeting grin passing over his lips. "Buffy was quite a surprise to the Council."

Joyce furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"No one knew about Buffy. Every potential Slayer before her had been identified early and spent years in training, so that if by chance she was called, she would be prepared to meet her destiny."

"So what happened with Buffy?"

Giles shook his head. "No one knows. No one really knows how a Slayer is chosen. There does seem to be a family tendency to it." He flashed another grin at Joyce. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had been a potential Slayer, your family's bloodlines somehow lost from Council records."

Joyce put her hand on her chest. "Me?"

"You two are so much alike."

Joyce sent Giles a rueful smile. "You mean stubborn, opinionated, mouthy, and whiny?"

Giles laughed his silent chuckle. "And strong of heart, with tremendous courage, a strong sense of right and wrong, and the ability to love very, very strongly."

Joyce let out a long breath, and with the breath she felt years of hostility start to fade away. "I'm sorry, Rupert."

"There is nothing to be sorry for, Joyce."

"Yes, there is. I've been quite mean to you over the past couple of years, ever since I found out Buffy was the Slayer."

"It was difficult for you. I do, and did, understand."

"You're much more gracious about it than I would be."

Giles smiled at her. "Well, the incident with the band candy didn't help. It only made things more awkward."

Joyce grimaced. "You had to bring that up?"

"Yes, I thought I might, as long as we're clearing the air. We've never talked about it."

Joyce let loose a short, almost hysterical laugh. "I never knew quite what to say. Especially with Jenny."

Giles nodded. "I know. Neither did I." He sent Joyce a sad grin. "I still don't."

"Did you ever tell her?"

"Jenny?"

Joyce nodded.

"No. No one knew but you and Buffy and it seemed…it seemed it would do more harm than good." He looked at Joyce. "Did I do the right thing?"

Joyce nodded her head firmly. "Yes. I mean it's not like you really cheated on her. You never would have. And unless she had eaten that candy there's no way she would have understood how much it changed you, us, all of us. But she didn't eat any, and so she wouldn't have understood and would have seen it as a betrayal of your trust. It would have probably destroyed your relationship and all for something that, in a way, really didn't happen."

Giles put his head back on the chair and let out a frustrated groan. "God, I agonized over it. I felt so guilty about it, about what happened, about not telling her. I almost told her so many times, but as the time passed, it seemed that even more harm would come of it." He shook his head. "That's the problem with lies, isn't it?"

"It wasn't your fault, Rupert. And I for one am glad you didn't tell her. The last thing I needed was for her to be giving me hateful looks, treating me like the other woman."

"She felt that way for a short while but she got over it. I'm glad you never picked up on it. I did have to tell her about us kissing."

"She knows we kissed?"

"Yes. Too many people saw us to keep that a secret." He grinned ruefully at Joyce. "I think by the time we were…well, by that time, the effects of the candy were so rampant that no one paid us the least amount of attention, a fact that astonishes me." Giles took his glasses off and covered his face with his hand. "On a police car." He glanced at Joyce as he ran his hand down his face. "I have to admit it helped Jenny cope with the whole thing knowing that we couldn't seem to stand each other."

Joyce couldn't help but grin at him. "It actually feels good to talk about this. We should have talked about it right away."

Giles rolled his eyes. "You'd have stabbed me with a skewer if I'd come within ten feet of you."

Joyce let out a soft laugh. "Yes, you're probably right." She sat up a little straighter. "Okay, well then, let me say something." At Giles' nod, Joyce blew out a breath and began. "You are a very attractive man, and I have to say that I enjoyed myself tremendously that night. But, before that day, while the thought crossed my mind, I never really saw us together that way. Then you started dating Jenny and it became even more of a non-issue." Joyce waved her hands as if to try and hurry herself along. "Anyway, my point is, that despite the occasional hot flash when I think of that night I haven't wanted to pursue anything further. Of course, I was so angry with you by then, that it was pretty much out of the question, even if you hadn't been with Jenny."

Giles grinned. "Hot flash?"

Joyce grinned and glared at him at the same time. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself. I was there."

"I did. I did enjoy myself. But I'm relieved to hear you say that it started and ended there. I feel much the same way." Buffy began to turn on her side without lessening her hold on Giles' hand. He found himself needing to stand or be dragged half way across the bed. He disengaged his hand and started to move his chair.

Buffy frowned in her sleep and spoke his name. "Giles?"

Giles spoke softly. "I'm right here, Buffy." He moved his chair around to the other side of the bed and then reached for her hand again. At his touch she smiled a little and relaxed.

Joyce spoke from the other side. "I don't know how to compete with you."

Giles looked at her, his eyebrows lifted. "Why do you feel you must compete with me?"

Joyce pointed at their joined hands. "I feel like it should be me holding her hand, that it should be me taking care of her. She would have been fine if I hadn't shown up. She didn't even care if Riley was here. All she wanted was you."

Giles considered Joyce's words. Finally he looked at her. "She loves you. She loves you so much. She so desperately wants you to be proud of her. But she knows that her being the Slayer is hard for you, that you hate it, that you can barely stand to acknowledge it. It puts her in a difficult position. I believe that she turns to me, sometimes, because she can be what she is, say what she wants to say, without having to censor it, or be concerned about my reaction."

Joyce frowned. "Are you saying it's my fault?"

"Joyce. It's not a question of fault. It's about a young woman who is living a hard life, and she needs a place of safety. For instance, I know that the pain medication made her nervous because she wouldn't be able to protect herself. She felt safer knowing I would be with her while she was medicated."

Giles paused for a moment and then continued. "She also knows that if she is injured that I will take care of her, not just physically, but emotionally as well, without asking anything of her. She knows that I will not scold her about her life, or remind her once again that there is something inherently wrong with what she is. She trusts that I will also keep anyone else from doing that to her while she is hurt and vulnerable." He smiled tightly. "Although tonight I feel as though she were taking care of me instead of the other way around."

Joyce looked at him. "She told me you were 'freaked out'. Were you?"

Giles grimaced at the phrase. "Well, once you get past that quite disturbing description, then, yes, I suppose I was."

"How could she tell?"

Giles smiled softly and looked at Buffy. "She knows me quite well. Probably better than anyone."

"Why were you so upset? You must see her hurt all the time."

Giles shook his head. "I don't know. It was just …it hit me hard tonight." Giles looked away, but Joyce could see the pain and sorrow in his eyes. After a moment he looked at her again. "In any case, are you able to see that at times, it would be easier for her to choose me than to choose you?"

Joyce didn't want to see, but she could. "I'm her mother, I can't help it."

Giles smiled softly at her. "She does all she can to shield you from it. I also imagine she chooses me at times in order to protect you, to keep you from seeing that she's hurt, or frightened, because she knows it upsets you so. She would turn to you much more readily, if she felt that she could, I promise you that. I don't mean to compete in any way, but if she turns to me, I will always try to be there and I will not turn away simply because someone else's feelings may be hurt."

"I hate that she's the Slayer." Joyce still knew that she hadn't even begun to let go of the fantasy of having a normal daughter.

"I know. It is understandable and I would think less of you if you didn't. I imagine that every mother who sends her child off to war weeps about it, even if it is in private. It is a mother's place to fear for her children."

"You love her. How do you do it?"

"I help her. I spend every waking moment doing everything I can to make things easier, to make her stronger, to give her the knowledge she needs to make it through another day." He smiled tightly. "And I spend some time simply hating it, as well."

"Why did you choose to become a Watcher?"

Giles let out a half laugh. "I didn't. I was born to it. I was informed when I was ten years old that I would be a Watcher." He shook his head. "I didn't take the news particularly well. And I spent many years doing everything I could to run away from it. But it was my destiny, much as being the Slayer is Buffy's. And I believe that we were destined to be together."

Joyce's eyes narrowed. "How do you mean that, exactly?"

Giles glanced up at Joyce. "As Watcher and Slayer, of course. We complete each other in the work we do." Giles pursed his lips. "Many Watchers and Slayers don't suit that well. It makes for an uncomfortable time for all involved, and often those Slayers die quite early in their tenure as Slayer."

"So, the closer the Watcher and Slayer, the longer the Slayer lives?"

"That seems to be a very accurate predictor."

"And how close can a Watcher and a Slayer get?"

Giles looked at Joyce askance, sure that she couldn't possibly be asking what he thought she was asking. "I beg your pardon?"

Joyce blushed but she pressed on. "Do Watchers and Slayers ever become romantically involved?"

Giles' raised his eyebrows, relieved that at least she'd asked the question in a general way. "Yes, yes they do."

"Do you feel that way about Buffy?"

Giles felt the safety rug being pulled out from under him. He stared at Joyce, nonplussed.

Joyce continued. "I know you love her, but are you in love with her?"

Giles looked at Buffy and then back at Joyce. He shook his head, confused, temporarily bereft of speech.

Joyce raised her eyes to heaven, as if looking for guidance. "Let me tell you what I think. I think you are in love with her, and I think she's in love with you, but neither of you know it yet. I think it's why she doesn't even think about putting Riley first, and why you push Jenny away. If you were in love with Jenny, you'd work harder at it. But a large part of you, regardless of how much you care about Jenny, would be fine if you didn't have her, because you have Buffy and she's all you really need."

Giles looked like a deer caught in headlights and Joyce found a perverse satisfaction in having struck him dumb. She also found a new strength inside, and a sudden weariness with fighting the inevitable. She'd spent much too much time wrestling with the things that simply were and it all felt like wasted time and wasted energy. Joyce knew that she still had things to work out, and personal demons to do battle with, but one thing she was feeling very clear about. It was time to start helping her daughter and stop being a hindrance. And if a good relationship between Buffy and her Watcher was one way to help her and keep her safe, then Joyce figured that it was high time she got out of Rupert's way. Somehow, in the midst of all her anger, until tonight, she had missed the fact that he loved Buffy, certainly as much as she did, and in many ways, loved her so much more completely. It left Joyce feeling ashamed, and determined to do better.

Joyce stood. "I need some coffee. Do you want anything?"

Giles looked up at her, his eyes still a bit glazed. He just shook his head.

Joyce grinned at him and left the room.

End of Part 7