Favourite Quotes

Joyce: Look, it's Nigerian. We got a very exciting shipment in at the gallery. I thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room.
Buffy: It's angry at the room. Mom, it wants the room to suffer.
Joyce: You have no appreciation of primitive art. You going out?
Buffy: Oh, um, well... if it's okay. I, um, I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip.

Cordelia: [via walkie-talkie] Come in, Nighthawk! Everything okay?
Buffy: Nighthawk?!

Buffy: [outside Giles' front door] You know, maybe it's too late. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. What if he's mad?
Xander: Mad? Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about ya'? [to the others] Maybe we should wait out here.

Giles: Welcome home, Buffy.

Buffy: I got in a few hours ago, but I went to see my mom first.
Giles: Yes, yes of course. How did you find her?
Buffy: Well, I pretty much remembered the address.

Xander: So where were ya'? Did you go to Belgium?
Buffy: Why would I go to Belgium?
Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Bel-gium.

Buffy: You guys seem down with the slayage, all tricked out with your walkies and everything.
Cordelia: Yeah, but the outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger, maybe.

Snyder: Absolutely not. Under no circumstances.
Joyce: But you can't keep her out of school. You don't have the right.
Snyder: I have not only the right but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as 'tingly'.
Joyce: Buffy was cleared of all those charges.
Snyder: Yes, and while she may meet the 'not a murderer' requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker. Destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another 'tingle' moment.

Joyce: This isn't over. If I have to, I'll go all the way to the Mayor.
[She & Buffy exit]
Snyder: Wouldn't that be interesting?

Pat: Oh, I'm Pat, from your mom's book club. I'm sure she mentioned me.
Buffy: Actually—
Pat: I sort of took it upon myself to look after her while you were... you know, 'off and away' or what have you... Well, between your situation and reading 'Deep End of the Ocean', she was, um... she was just a wreck. You can imagine.

Joyce: Do me a favour? Run down and get me the company plates?
Buffy: Mom, Willow and everybody aren't 'company plate' people. They're normal plate people.
Joyce: We never have guests for dinner. Indulge your mother.

Joyce: I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive about things. I mean, it's not your fault you have a special circumstance. They should make allowances for you.
Buffy: Mom, I'm a Slayer. It's not like I need to ride the little bus to school.
Joyce: Couldn't you just tell a few people? Like Principal Snyder? Maybe the police? I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a... a superhero... Is that the right term? I mean, it's not offensive, is it?

Buffy: Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo.
Giles: Oh my lord, what a stench!
Buffy: I know, I wanted 'forest pine' or 'April fresh', but Mom wanted 'dead cat'.

Oz: It looks dead. Smells dead. Yet, it's movin' around. That's interesting.

Giles: We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I'm going to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.
Oz: Well I like it. I think you should call it Patches.
Willow: What about Buffy's 'welcome home' dinner tonight? I told her mom we'd help out, bring stuff.
Cordelia: I'm the dip.
Xander: You gotta admire the purity of it.
Cordelia: What? Onion dip. Stirring, not cooking, it's what I bring.
Oz: We should figure out what kind of deal this is. I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?
Cordelia: What's the difference?
Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig: dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And hootenanny? Well it's chock full'a hoot, just a little bit o' nanny.

Stoner #2: Hey, what's the deal with this party anyway?
Stoner #1: This party? Heard it was for some chick that just got out of rehab.

Stoner #1: [answering the phone] Party Villa, can I rock you?
Giles: I need to speak with Buffy. Immediately. I have some information that is extremely important.
Stoner #1: [distracted by the party] Yeah, fiesta foul! You gotta do a shot!
Giles: I need to speak to Buffy! Now!
Stoner #1: Buddy? Dude, that guy's gotta do a shot.
Giles: Buffy!
Stoner #1: Hey, I gotta talk to a Buddy. Is there a Buddy here? Sorry, he's not here. You got the wrong casa, Mr. Belvedere.

Giles: Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead! Americans.

Joyce: You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me. Or you, for that matter, because you put me through the ringer, Buffy. I mean it. And I've had Schnapps.

Buffy: [to Joyce] Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you.
Xander: Well, you did. You should have seen what you put her through.
Buffy: Great, thanks. Anyone else wanna weigh in here? How about you, by the dip?
Jonathan: No, thanks. I'm good.

Giles: [hotwires his car, and the engine sparks to life] Like riding a bloody bicycle.

Xander: Look, I'm sorry that your honey was a demon. But most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles.
Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay, I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault—
Buffy: Cordy, get out of my shoes!

Oz: Okay, gonna step in now. Being referee guy.
Willow: No, let 'em go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping - we might as well try some violence.
[Zombies come crashing through the window]
Willow: I was being sarcastic!

Joyce: What do we do if they get in?!
Xander: I kind of think we die.

Giles: Cordelia, it's me! It's me!
Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie-Giles?
Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
Cordelia: It's him.

[Pat puts on the mask, and the nearest zombie cowers in fear]
Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared? Not good.

Buffy: Hey, Pat! Made ya' look.

Joyce: So, was this a typical day at the office?
Buffy: No, this was nothing.

Giles: I'd like to have a word with you.
Snyder: If that word is 'Buffy', then I have two words for you: 'good' and 'riddance'. Now if you don't mind, I have an appointment with the Mayor.
Giles: You can't keep her out of this school.
Snyder: I think you'll find I can.
Giles: You had no grounds for expelling her.
Snyder: I have grounds, I have precedent, and a tingly kind of feeling.
Giles: Buffy Summers is a minor and is entitled to a public education. Your personal dislike of the girl does not legally entitle you to—
Snyder: Why don't you take it up with the City Council?
Giles: I thought I'd start with the State Supreme Court. You're powerful in local circles, but I believe I can make life very difficult for you. Professionally speaking. And Buffy will be allowed back in.
Snyder: Sorry, I'm not convinced.
Giles: [grabs him by the collar] Would you like me to convince you?

Buffy: You're really enjoying this whole 'moral superiority' thing, aren't you?
Willow: It's like a drug!
Buffy: Fine, okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps... for a while.
Willow: Alright, I'm stop giving you a hard time... runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry. Quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.

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