Harm
Author: Kantayra
Rating: Adult
Disclaimer: I don't own Spike or Harmony. I'm just having a fun time laughing my ass off at them. ^_^
Author's Note: I wrote this story for three reasons.
# 1. We never heard how Spike met Harmony. I figured it ought to be a pretty entertaining story, so I got to working the idea out in my head...
# 2. I ran a search for Spike/Harmony stories on a lark one day, thinking that there'd be a dozen or so. Not too many, because no one really fantasizes about them as the ideal couple, but at least a few if for no other reason than they were a canonical couple on the show, and they were pretty damn funny. Guess how many there were? Only one! I felt this situation needed to be horribly remedied.
# 3. I finally got to write a story in the ever-popular Humor/Horror category. C'mon, that alone means you've got to read...
Well, I hope you enjoy. And just remember, it's all in good fun... ~_^
Additional Note on the re-write: This is pretty much the exact same story I originally wrote. Several people pointed out to me that we'd seen Harmony get bitten at graduation, and it irked me to no end that my story was inconsistent with that. Thus, I've only added about three lines in this chapter to fix up the unfortunate AU I unintentionally created... So, if you want to re-read the story to figure out how I could fix things in only a few sentences, go right ahead...
Chapter One - Why You Should Never Insult the Man with the Sharp, Pointy Fangs
It is a tale as old as time. A man and a woman, separated by life and circumstance. Yet somehow they manage to come together. They have their differences. In fact, it seems like they should be the worst of enemies. And yet something...special happens. It's as if there was magic in the air, and suddenly it becomes clear that these two people who seem so completely different were meant to be together. Their love can conquer anything: race, class, prejudice, fear, war. It is a tale of destiny...
This is NOT one of those tales.
“Can you believe the color?!” Madison said in disgust. “Hello? Red not in season here!”
“And what’s with the ‘Miss’? It’s not like I’m an uber-virgin like her,” Harmony went on. She affected a nasal accent. “ ‘We’re closing now, Miss.’ ‘Miss, if you could please hurry.’ ‘Miss, can you come back tomorrow, please?’ “ She threw back her head in disgust. “Like I’m ever going back there! This is a busy shopping trip. I don’t have time to cater to losers!”
“Totally,” Madison nodded vigorously. “Umm…” she paused in the darkened lot. “Where did we park?”
“Somewhere with the trash,” Harmony shivered at the thought. “Honestly, you’d think this place would have elite parking or something! ‘Cause you just know that some geek’s managed to get dirt on my new paint job.”
“And it’s so totally awesome, too,” her friend replied. “Metallic pink… Your dad rocks!”
“Yeah, he’s good for something,” Harmony shrugged as they began walking through the aisles of cars. “Ugh!” she came to a sudden halt before an oil puddle. “Jesus, people! Think about my new shoes, and try to have a little courtesy!”
“Ew, gross!” Madison agreed, stepping around the pool. “But, look! There’s your car.”
The two shallow young women made their way to where an overhead streetlight illuminated the bright pink BMW.
“Keys, keys, where are the keys?” Harmony began digging through her Gucci handbag.
“Uh…Harm,” Madison tapped her on the shoulder.
“They’re in here somewhere,” Harmony insisted.
“Harm…” This time the tap on the shoulder was a bit harder.
“Jeez, impatient much?” Harmony shook her off without looking up.
“Harm!”
“What?!” Harmony demanded, finally looking at her friend…and seeing the four men that surrounded them for the first time.
There was something about the way they looked at her… It reminded her a bit too much of that pervert who’d bitten her at graduation. Luckily, some group of no names had dragged him away in time. There was no one here to help her this time though, and she gulped slightly before putting her normal haughty mask back firmly in place.
“This your car?” one of them gave her a broad, insincere smile.
“Yeah,” Harmony popped her gum in irritation. “What’s it to ya?”
Another laughed. “Nice car,” he managed to get out between chuckles.
“Yeah, it is,” Harmony put her fists on her hips defiantly, “and lower-class trash like you will never ever come close to owning one like it.”
“Uh…Harm…” Madison nervously tugged at her arm when one of the men growled at them. “Maybe we should just go?”
“Yup,” Harmony agreed. “Gutter-trash like this don’t deserve our time…” She was abruptly cut off from her car door by one of the men. “Excuse me?!” she said sarcastically.
“You’re not excused,” he growled, his eyes flashing yellow. “In fact, I’d say you owe us big time…”
“O-Owe you?” Harmony abruptly realized that she wasn’t in control of this situation.
“She’ll make a good little slut,” another of the men agreed.
“Yeah right,” Harmony rolled her eyes. “Like anyone as homely as you could get— Aieee!”
She screeched in horror as one of the men grabbed Madison firmly by the neck, and snapped it as easily as if it was a twig.
“Ohmygod!” Harmony gasped frantically. “Ohmygod, ohmygod…”
The four men turned to look at her.
“Please, don’t kill me,” she begged. “I’ve got money! Lots and lots of money! And I’ll give it all to you, if you just let me go.”
“Nice try,” one of the men’s face abruptly transformed into that of a demon’s. Harmony probably would have been a bit more surprised if she hadn’t grown up in Sunnydale. “But you deserve something special…”
“Let’s see how she likes being a slave,” another leered at her through fangs and ridges.
“Please…” Harmony back into her car’s hood. “I’ll do anything.”
“You bet you will, sweet,” another growled from beside her, “once we’re done with you.”
And with that, she was tackled to the hood. She batted uselessly at one of the vampires with her purse, but he quickly snatched it from her, ripping the leather strap as he did so.
“That bag cost over a hundred dollars!” she exclaimed, outraged.
Another vamp pinned her firmly beneath him, holding her hands high above her head. “Don’t worry, baby,” he hissed. “It’s the least of your worries.” He flashed long, white teeth at her.
“Not again!” Harmony rolled her eyes. “Same old much?”
And he sunk his fangs deep into her throat.
“Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…!!”
Harmony screamed. And screamed. And screamed.
“Jesus, shut her up or something,” one of the vamps complained, covering his ears.
“I’ve got it,” another cut open a slit in his wrist and brought the blood up to her mouth. “Drink,” he ordered.
“Ugh!” Harmony said weakly from loss of blood. “Like I’d drink that?! You’ve probably been feeding off of skanky homeless people and—”
Her diatribe was cut off when he pinched her nose shut with his free hand and forced the blood down her throat.
Daddy is sooo going to take your homely asses to court about this, was Harmony’s last thought before the world around her went black…
The rules went something like this: alternate between whiskey, bourbon, and tequila. Repeat until you pass out. Remember what finally caused you to pass out. If it was whiskey, Dru dumping him for Angelus was the most humiliating event of his life. If bourbon, it was the Chaos Demon. And if tequila, it was her newest honey, the Fungus Demon.
Spike played practically every night. So far it was pretty much a three-way tie.
The other week, the bartender had gently suggested that Spike try to actually do something with his life instead of moping about all the time. The barkeep’s head had been quickly removed from its body. Given that said barkeep had been a ten-foot Vri’al Demon, that pretty much meant that everyone left Spike alone. Especially the current bartender.
Spike was more than happy with the way things had turned out. The last thing he wanted right now was to be bothered by anybody.
“Hey, buddy,” a drunken vamp came up behind him and rested a hand on his shoulder.
“’m not your ‘buddy’,” Spike growled before drowning another shot.
“I know you,” the vamp insisted.
“How nice for you,” the peroxide blond gave him a glare that would have sent any less drunken vamps scurrying.
“Yeah,” he companion remained completely oblivious to the mortal danger he was in. “My Sire’s Sire was this vamp named Luke. I heard he’s like your uncle or something. That makes us cousins, I guess.”
“Piss off,” Spike’s glare turned several shades more sour.
“Now,” the intruding vamp shook his finger in front of his face, “that’s no way to treat family.”
“You want to know I treat family?” Spike’s tone was soft but deadly.
The other vamp just smiled at him drunkenly.
With a roar, Spike thrust his hand deep into the vamp’s chest and quickly sunk his claws into the unbeating heart. The other vamp stared in disbelief as Spike pulled it right out of his chest.
“Nice knowin’ you, mate,” Spike gave him an evil smile before crushing the heart in his palm.
It and the vampire before him exploded in a cloud of dust.
“Someone got a problem?!” Spike raged at the circle of young vamps that had surrounded the spectacle. They had all fled within seconds. “Thought not,” he smiled slightly to himself.
“You want another?” the bartender asked nervously, gesturing to the now empty bottle of whiskey in front of him.
“Nah,” Spike said, standing up from the bar and lighting a cigarette. “Already had my fun for the night,” he commented, leaving without putting so much as a cent on the countertop in his wake. “Gotta remember that,” he mumbled to himself as he took another drag off his cigarette and stepped out into the night. “Violence solves everything…”