The Harsh Light of Day

Oz: Remember Harmony?
Willow: She's back from her summer vacation, and she's a little... different.
Buffy: Different.
Willow: Paler?
Parker: Is your neck okay?
Buffy: Neck... paler... puppy! The angry puppy!
Oz: Yeah, we came to warn you about the... angry puppy...

Buffy: Harmony's a vampire? She must be *dying* without a reflection.
Willow: She just made me so mad. "My boyfriend's gonna beat you up..."
Buffy: Boyfriend?
Willow: Well, I mean, if you believe her. She always lied about stuff like that. "Oh, he goes to another school. You wouldn't know him."
Oz: Well, Devon dated her for a while, but she was too flaky for him, which... stop and marvel at the concept.
Buffy: Guy dating Harmony, dead. Must be, like, the most tolerant guy in the world.

Buffy: Spike... and Harmony!
Harmony: Buffy, hi, what a cute outfit... last year.

Spike: I like him. He's got... what's the word... vulnerability.
Buffy: And you with Harmony. What, 'd'ja lose a bet?
Harmony: Hey!

Buffy: What's the matter, Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I dumped her.
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about, most days.
Spike: Harm! We are going. It isn't time yet.
Harmony: Yeah, but as soon as we have the Gem of Amara, you're gonna be so sorr—
Spike: Arrgh!
Harmony: What? Ow!

The Initiative

Harmony: Spikey, let's leave the Slayer alone. You know she'll only slap you around, and I can do that.

Harmony: Can you believe him? He comes back with all these big promises - not that I believed him, you know. He could have spent one night, but no, everything was "Slayer this" and "Slayer that". I mean, he probably already killed her. I'm not taking him back, I just... I just want to know why it is that men always... (she notices Xander has gone) leave...

Real Me

Harmony: Yes, um... I forgot your name.
Cyrus: Cyrus.
Harmony: Cyrus, right. Peaches' friend. What's your question?
Cyrus: When are we gonna do it?
Harmony: Ew, that's rude! I barely know you! Ugh, and you're a minion.
Mort: He means the plan!
Harmony: Ooh, the plan! Well, first let me tell you I'm really psyched about it, and I hope the rest of you guys—
Mort: When?!
Harmony: Tonight! We kill the Slayer tonight.

[A rock comes crashing through the window with a note tied around it - Xander reads...]
Xander: "Slayer, come out and die." ("i" dotted with an extra-intimidating smiley-face)
Harmony: I'm waiting for you, Buffy! I know you're in there!
[cut to]
Harmony: What do you mean, she's not in there? She has to be - I'm calling her out!
Xander: Then I bet she'll be real sorry she missed your call. Afraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be killed by Buffy later.

Xander: Buffy is not going to be happy about this.
[cut to]
Buffy: [laughing her head off] Harmony... Harmony has minions?!
Xander: Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction.
Buffy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's just... Harmony has minions!
Xander: And Ruffles have ridges. Um, Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this.
Buffy: I hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing. What is it?
Xander: Well, she did come here to kill you.
[Buffy bursts out laughing again]
Riley: [trying not to laugh, himself] Buffy, come on, they have killed once that we know about. She could be a real threat to you.
Anya: Especially now that she can enter your house any time she wants.
Buffy: [stops laughing] What?

Spike: Gang?
Harmony: Oh, yeah, I've got my own gang now.
Spike: Is that what those circus freaks are?
Harmony: Uh-huh. I mean... shut up! We're gonna kill the Slayer.
Spike: Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one - or at least get your own tune.
Harmony: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework. Reading books and stuff.
Spike: What, Evil for Dummies? Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's... well, let's face it. It's adorable.
Harmony: You just can't stand the fact that I'm my own person now. There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes she needs to take the next step. I've taken it. I've found the real me, and I like her.
Spike: Hope you'll be very happy together. In the meantime, leave the Slayer-slaying for the professionals.
Harmony: You'll see. Buffy'll be dead by sunrise. I've got a plan.
Spike: Let me guess. Snatch one of her friends, use 'em as bait, lead her into a trap? That sort of thing?
Harmony: [bluffing] No! A much, much better one. [off his look] I'm not gonna tell you!
Spike: Thought as much. Best of luck. Let me know how this arch-villain thing works out for you.
Harmony: [as he exits] I'll do that. And after Buffy's gone? I'm gonna kill everybody in this town that was ever mean to me, Spike!
[turns back to her minions]
Harmony: Guys! New plan.

Cyrus: When do we eat the girl?
Harmony: We don't. Not yet.
Cyrus: Why not?
Harmony: Because! That's not the plan! [heavy sigh] Do I have to go over the plan again? We use the sister as bait. We send Buffy a note...
Peaches: More notes?
Harmony: We send Buffy a note, telling her that if she wants to see her sister again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her.
Mort: So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the Slayer's sister. Just as long as she thinks we are, she'll walk into the trap.
Harmony: I guess.
Cyrus: So it won't make any difference if we eat the girl now.
Harmony: We're not eating the girl.
Peaches: Why not?
Harmony: 'Cause! That's not the plan.

Harmony: So, Slayer, at last we meet.
Buffy: We've met, Harmony, you half-wit.
Harmony: I'm the half-wit? Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my...
[Buffy swiftly dusts two of Harm's minions]
Harmony: ...trap.
Buffy: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader? You were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you suck.

[some quotes assembled with help from buffyworld.com]

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